Texas Czech

Half of Her

2011-07-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

In my crazy memory, years are remembered by the seasons I was making babies, and by the September beach trips. If you’re around me enough, you’ll hear me say, “oh, that was when I was pregnant with Stephen….or that was the year we stayed in the little yellow house.”

We met Matt the September we stayed in the townhouse on 11th. The year my brother & his family came down. The year Michael & Julia drove The Beast. The September Lydia turned one. Before broken hearts ~ and broken bones. So…it was 2007.

Michael, Julia & I, along with the rest of my kids were there a week by ourselves before everyone else joined us. It was a great weekend and I found that I love the feeling of anticipation you get when you’re waiting for company. The morning when everyone starts waking and waiting for the coffee to finish. The Friday that Matt was going to join us, Michael watched the clock. She talked to him several times to see how close he was. Let me know when you get to the ferry, I’ll meet you and you can follow me in. He was staying with his family in Harlingen at the time and she hadn’t got to see him in a while. If she could have Beamed him up she would have.

The first sight I had of him was "hi, nice to meet you, gotta go." Then I ran Julia up to the fire department to have the EMT look at a nasty bite from a sting ray.

The quite guy seemed to fit in. Lydia crawled all over him. He couldn’t keep his eyes…or his hands of my sister. Had to calm my momma bear instincts.

The weekend was wonderful. Everyone starting heading out on Sunday, leaving us girls there for a few more days. I realized that I also like that calm after the storm. When the house is quite again and all you can feel is gratefulness for your people.

Something was missing. Michael went with Matt to the ferry, to see him off. When she got back to the townhouse and closed the door behind her, tears in her eyes, I knew what was missing. That boy had just drove off in his green truck, heading across Texas, with most of my sisters heart and spirit. We were left with a shell of what we’d had before.

Today her heart is full again.

Answered Prayers

2011-07-24T06:05:00.000-07:00

We had a special aunt growing up. Michael was around four when she slipped out so I’m not sure if she remembers her. Aunt Hettie was our Granny Mary’s sister. I will always quote her, “Girl, you make sure he loves you more than you love him.”

When I was young and healing from heartache, I took that to mean ~ you hurt him before he hurts you. I felt that way a long time, and even felt that way for Michael & Julia.

Before a man came along that loved me that way. More than I could love. That keeps me glued together. That won’t let me run away.

When I made a son for him, my thoughts changed. I became a momma that prays for her children, for her son. That God prepares a woman just for him. That a little girl is in the making, growing into a fine young woman. The woman that will someday stand beside my son and make promises to him. The woman he will keep glued together and not let far from his side.

Matt & Tracy, I can only imagine the prayers you’ve begged for your son. God heard everyone, and today, He answered.

To our Parents

2011-07-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

My memory seems to be like a small file box. I have to pull out an old memory and toss it in order to have room for another. Still, there are a handful of memories that are etched into my mind. Most of my first memories revolve around the year I was four. It was 1977…both mom and dad had long hair…mom long and brown like Cher, dad shaggy like CCR. That was the year they bought the land we grew up on, the year Blackie’s store burned down. I remember a day at the house at Oak Lake ~ I lay on my belly and watched out the window for the longest ~ the window with the panes and the chipping paint ~ can still feel the paint under my nails and smell the old house. I was watching the driveway, afraid that if I blinked I might miss one second of the truck coming home ~ coming home with my brother.

The next decade seems to be a blur of days waiting for the school day to be over and day dreaming on the bus. Christmas Eve’s. Mom getting a wild hair and having to run to Austin to see her brother, sometimes in the middle of the night. Austin lights. A little cabin in the woods. Mom shaving her legs at the creek in Liberty Hill.

Then Galveston in the summer of ’86. We rented a beach house with Barbara & David White. Took my best friend Patty, and as usual, she burned so bad mom was afraid to take her home. Mom & Barbara must have had a little too much sun as well. Before we left, they’d convinced each other that they needed to have babies. Michael & Allie were in the works before Halloween.

I was 14 when she got here. She was breathtaking. I’d dance her to sleep at night. Then go to my room around the corner and wait for the slightest sound…to run and scoop her up. To watch her in her sleep and pray that she’d hurry and wake up. What a blessing.

Now as a parent I finally realize the sacrifices my mom & dad had to make for us. Daddy slipped off to the Glass Plant ~ a bounce in his step, a whistle that he sings, and a black lunch box. Mom kept it all pieced together at home. Now looking back, I can thank them for everything. The new school clothes and the shoes that cost too much. Braces. Yellow ’73 Mustang that I kick myself for getting rid of. But most of all, the most important gift they gave me and Stephen ~ was Michael.

Thank-you, thank-you so much.

Haven't Cried in Ages

2011-07-11T14:02:00.001-07:00

This morning over our coffee, David mentioned some vacation ideas for the fall. Will it ever cool off again? We might not be able to afford the usual trip to the beach. Every cent we have is being squeezed to work on the house so that we can put this place on the market. It's been tough.

One idea he had was a camping trip to Palestine. I think we might have had a family reunion there when I was little. If not, I'm sure my grandparents went camping there. Isn't that where the train used to be??? If so, I know I've been there. My question...where is Palestine ~ isn't that North East?

Yes.

You know what else is North East?

Of course. Watch that bottom lip woman ~ you know she looks just like you.

I do.

This was our conversation. This is how he comforted me. I gave a quick thank-you to heaven.

Then I'm off to check out mapquest.

April 8th

2011-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

Thinking today about turn of events and days in general.

David & I and the three littles are in Dubina for Dobecka reunion. It's been so nice to see everyone....but man was it hot and windy today! Just settling in to the hotel for the night and tucking everyone in. The kids think it's just magic to stay in a hotel and I think this is probably the most fun part for them.

Last night I called mom from the hotel just to check on things. She was fine, but tired, and ready for bed. We didn't talk much. I just felt like something was up and she might have news for me. She didn't.

The 8th...I hope I always remember standing in an old battlefield, my teeth chattering. It was so cold that morning, last year. Today a year later, it reached 90. My hippie daughter promised a promise to her young man at sunrise. It was beautiful. Looking back now, I can't believe my fortune in being chosen to be there.

This year, on the 8th. My grandfather's sisters passed in the hall. It was Pinky's 85th birthday; her sister, Julia, slipped out to meet the angels.

I'm sitting here, halfway across Texas, remembering her voice. It was unusual. A slow Southern draw. I'm wondering if it was always that way or if she'd just been in East Texas long enough for it to come natural... like our Becky. Julia had finally developed that Moore tremor. When she sent my Julia a card for her marriage, it was typed; I kept it for myself. I never got around to sending her a picture of my beautiful girl. I never made it up to Tyler for a visit. The last time I saw her was at the lake for our Moore Reunion. I told her I loved her.

I remember her voice.

Lydia's 80th

2011-01-27T09:34:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Lydia's 80th last night in West with dinner and a special mass. Isn't she beautiful?

Granny

2011-01-18T05:40:00.000-08:00

Alzheimer's is a crazy thing. We sit back and watched my Granny slowly forget the world, but remember our face. In the past year I've thanked God for taking her so swiftly. In doing this, and counting myself and my family so very blessed for not seeing her suffer, I haven't allowed feelings of loneliness creep in. This morning, I remembered her hands. At least from the 70's forward, she always kept a 'potion' of sorts by her bed or reading chair....a cream to remove spots. If I close my eyes, I remember looking at her hands and at one time I had those spots memorized. Now I realize I've almost forgotten. So I'm off today to search through photos to find reminders.

I still love you sweetie pie.............

New Stuff

2010-11-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

I enjoy reading some of my favorite bloggers "Daybook" posts...so decided to try one for myself.

Where I'm blowing $$$
I got a new laptop!!!! All new keys! Sound! Been going ghetto too long.

Updates on my Children
Took the old orange truck and my cattle trailer to Cove to help Julia and Stephen move to their new place. It's a real cute 4plex. My kids didn't want to come home. Lydia told me "I stay here, you go to Daddy's house." Troy cried. Stephen came home and told David about 'his' porch...the little balcony that he liked to hide out on. Julia's loving the new pad.

Signs of the Crazy Lady
Went shopping, by myself, Saturday morning. Got the computer and a few things...then braved a shoe store. I have foot issues and hate new shoes. Refuse to try anything on if the kids are with me...or anyone for that matter. Always make sure to have extra socks, stockings, and two kinds of inserts with me. I had a stack of 7 boxes in a chair and went to pick out one more pair...when I got back, there were only two boxes in the chair. I started crying! Almost attacked the salesperson ~ "You put my shoes up." She raced around and picked them back up for me. At this point, I'm already in a complete state of panic. Anyway, decided to bring home 4 pairs!!! Have no idea what to wear with them yet. (You have to understand, I live in a pair of Nike's or Sketchers sandles. The only dress shoes I've found in the last decade that don't hurt are the wedge sandles I wore to Julia's wedding. If I could find more, I'd buy a dozen. I don't shop for new clothes, because I know I'll have nothing to wear with them except running shoe!) Julia said "Oh momma, you've gone on a binge." I hurt for Kendra and am in admiration of her strength.

School Updates
We are chugging along quite nicely. Troy is doing well in everything we have for this term. The Littles are driving me out of my mind. (Not hard to do.) The first week that we started Kindergarden, I told David 'I don't think I'm cut out for this.' He gave me the old, I don't care if you teach them to play poker and eat popcorn all day, they aren't going to ps. Don't know whether to love him or shoot him. So we pulled back a little and really simplified things for the babies. Their planned/structured activities last 5-10 minutes each, for three areas. Then we play, color, maybe do a craft, and read. That's IT. The goal is to start in January by adding 5 minutes to our class time every two weeks until we're working about an hour total.

Lydia counted to 5 today...5 candy corns.
They all made Turkey cookies....Stephen get's a kick out of this the most.

Troy is studying Light and Isaac Newton. He found two library books full of experiments on the topic and wants to do ALL of them. Our reading list contains Sarah, Plain and Tall, The Boxcar Children, and The Family that Lived Under the Bridge. We'll read one after another, starting this week. He's doing well with math, but I noticed he was missing multiplication facts in the 7,8 & 9 group...so I made him a cheat sheet. We do a simple drill each school day for these plus keep flashcards around. I just don't want to stop and wait for him to get it down pat since he's progressing so well. Long division just hit and he's having trouble with the different steps: division/subtraction Both Involved???? Get's fractions well. He's using the curriculum from Homestead Heritage and just read about how they make Sorghum sugar. This week, they have their big festival for the year. If the weather isn't too bad, I'd love to take him out so that he can actually see this process.

Stephen had his ARD meeting with our local school district today. It went wonderful and I can't wait to work with the staff. He will be meeting with the Speech therapist twice a week, the Physical therapist once a week, and the Ocupational therapist every other week. I'm a little overwhelmed with the roll that I need to play in all of this, as mommy and as teacher. Realize I need to pray hard, retreat, and make plans for my home and school.

Georgia on my Mind
Last time I was at Mom & Dad's, I had a dream about Georgia. We were on the floor playing and I was getting some serious loving. She got in my face and we rubbed noses. In that quite place between dream and wake, I thought to myself, "How perfect. I wonder if this is Julia's weekend to have her." When I finally woke up I was crushed. We don't play that game. While I miss her terribly, I'm so thankful to God that she doesn't have to grow up like that. It was so hard on her Julia. When I got home that night, her mother had sent me a letter. I prayed "Oh God let this be good"...sometimes I panic and think Becky might not want us to see her. Two little Autumn pictures popped out ~ and she looked like me. God is too good to me.

Georgia on my Mind

2010-11-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've been walking around in a fuzz of sorts, with so many thoughts in my strange mind. I wonder if other people feel their heads being full...that you must think of at least a hundred different items during a sixty second minute. Is it just me?

I have so wanted to come here to record my stories, my thoughts. I write the notes down, just never make it to the keys. Maybe sharing here can clear things up a little.

In the middle of October (where did October go?) I made the drive across Texas up to that little spot in our northeastern corner ~ on a mission. Sure, I signed up for a homeschool conference about Charlotte Mason. My true purpose was for a Georgia fix.

The drive alone was needed. Just me and the truck.   Good music. And after Corsicana, trees! Beautiful trees; need to see that more, I'm used to our 'green year round' Live Oaks and Cedars here on the edge of the Hill Country. I didn't have directions or even a map... just knew I needed to head that direction. Followed the signs and called Becky when I got close to talk me in.

Stopped at Wal-mart on the way to get snacks and a blinky toy...to bribe Georgia with. Was afraid that since she's to big to be held, that she wouldn't notice I was there. Wouldn't care. I was wrong. Becky & Shelby are raising Georgia to be a loving angel.

She set in her high chair and looked at me like she knew who I was and wanted to get out. We got a little hug in. I got to hold Baby Ivy while Becky took a phone call and she fell asleep for me...something I'm never able to get babies to do. Her pictures on the net don't do justice. Oh what a precious, round, fat face. She's just wonderful; and Georgia is so proud of her.

Shelby came home and brought us sandwiches for lunch. Very good to see him...it seems I keep forgetting what a gentle, sweet spirit he is. Georgia could have eaten the man...she climbed all over him while he was there, obviously in love with her daddy.

Becky and I got to visit a while. I absolutely love being in her home ~ new things to snoop. She's got the coolest junk. I do admit, I'm quite intimidated that the place is so clean ~ how does she do it with two littles? Not sure I'd even let her drive down my driveway at this moment, let alone come in my house!

I brought family pictures with some of me and Julia when we were babies..to scope out signs of Georgia. We found out that we're both addicted to Mentholatum....it's a family thing. (Poor David, that's what he gets to smell when he comes to bed!)

Georgia played with me and showed me her toys and books. Didn't even need the blinky thing. I even got hugs and kisses. Might be able to make it a while on my own now.

I left with my heart outside my body. It was a precious moment, but hurt. Will it always be like that? I guess if I let it. Need to start signing praises daily to thank God for what I do have.

Drove into Longview and had a hard time finding the church for the conference. It was really strange being there...didn't really want to be. Learned a few things I didn't expect....I'm doing something already like a Charlotte Mason style in my home. But that lady didn't have kids of her own. Did she have a husband? She certainly didn't have a farm and the IRS to deal with. TV and Playstations didn't slip into her school day. Still - she was pretty cool.

I had a realization that Troy isn't as far behind as I keep making myself think...that he's right on track for were He needs to be. Just enjoy the little man.

I overheard someone talking during our break about her son with autism...she mentioned "Swinging, Singing, and Swimming"....might need to Google that and see if there's any thoughts....but it made me think of the changes in Stephen this summer; how he likes to swing all of a sudden and isn't as afraid of heights; of his swimming under water like a frog; and of the patient woman that he had swimming lessons with ~ I plan on having him take lessons with her at least 3 times next summer.

Didn't talk with anyone...which is weird for me. Just watched. Didn't care to share my methods or experiences with them. Felt quite annoyed with the women who wanted to ramble about their child and what they were doing..."We did....and it's working wonderfully...blah....blah....blah" Realized I'm usually one of them, but not today.

Left and just drove around Longview.   Didn't feel right about being there. Found my hotel and unloaded my stuff....fell in love with the place and wondered how long I could stand staying somewhere like that. I had a suite with living room and full kitchen.   Decided I'd rather be there than at the conference the next day...and I didn't have to leave until 12. Walked across the street to eat at a Casa Ole. Had half of a Spinach Enchilada dinner, and half a Budlight. Felt totally out of my skin.

Back at the hotel, all I could think was that Georgia was in this same county and I was here to see some crazy homeschool women.   I texted Becky to see what they had for the next day and she texted back that she'd just made plans with her family..."that she hadn't seen them in a few days ~ and that was too long."

I got ready for bed and spread all my books and paperwork on the coffee table...A huge sadness came over me. It wasn't just Georgia; it was my family. We don't see each other like this, even though I'm only an hour and half away. I'm just always rushing and so tired when we get to Waco. I finally went to bed at 10, thinking I'd crash and wake up when I felt like it. I started waking up every 30 minutes...on the dot. It hurt. My friend Sheri texted me at 11:30. I called her, because I was worried about the time. We talked a little and I told her how I felt...it wasn't depression, just sadness. I didn't know there was a difference. Finally fell asleep at 2. Woke up like an idiot at 6:30. Went ahead and got dressed and had breakfast down stairs. Wished David and the kids where with me so they could use the pool! (And I wouldn't have to make or clean up breakfast)

Spent the rest of the morning in my room (not the conference) writing out plans that I want to implement in my homeschool. Realized that I needed this time alone, more than I needed the conference and new ideas. Made note to take off by myself at least once a quarter for such... even if it's just to Salado. Googled real estate in West. Convinced myself that my family should move back. Daydreamed about walking to Lydia's and St. Mary's and visiting the cemetery. Of having lunch with David's sisters.??????? Of having my family over more often. Picked out a couple of houses I wanted to go see.

(Poor David spent a week humoring me and looking at real estate, making an appointment, talking about remodeling project needed, discussed things to do with our kids and how we'd handle the whole 'why aren't your kids in West School' issue....very loving and patient until I came to my senses and told him I was ok. Took a week!)

At the other half of my enchilada and packed my truck. Drove south west towards home, passing the Kilgore exit. Watched the trees.

Thought about Shelby and his strength. Wondered if he'd had to hold Becky together when she was broken.   When she thought she might never be a mommy. Thought of the hole in her heart.   Saw my daughters face in my mind...that she'd helped heal that ache. Reminded myself that I have to take my place in the scheme of this life.

Drove through Hubbard and looped around a few streets to look at houses. Then to Mount Calm. Headed out the country road to visit my Granny. Realized my mamma's Granny was pregnant almost every year! That she had her last baby when she was 40??? (Not sure when she had my Aunt Joe) Drove around the poor little town. The streets are not paved anymore, only graveled. The house that Aunt Ollie and Uncle Rudy lived in is trashed and some moron had an air conditioner sitting around what was left of the tree in the front yard. Looked at the spot where my mamma's Granny lived. The house is gone. The root cellar is still there. Thought about touching it's door. Just touching it. I was always so terrified of that place! Nobody was at home.   Noticed the sidewalk. All tore up from the earth settling beneath it. Ending at the edge of the property....stopping and not going any further into town. Thought of a little Vicki, with glasses and blond hair running on it. Taking it into town to Turkey Davidsons for soda. Missed my family and my people.

Drove through Axtell to see if my old friend might be at her parents, she'd just told me she'd moved back to town. Her folks were outside. Stopped and visited with her mom. Her dad was out at the back of her place, he looked up and noticed me across the yard, he remembered me. We talked about the trips I took with them. Did I remember seeing Hank in Houston? Yes, and I remember screaming in his ear when we drove by and the bill board said that Eddy Raven was opening for him. We remembered the camping trip they took me on. They shared with me some of the heartaches they've experienced over the last few years and I was humbled.

Told me where Kikie lived so I drove over. She was in the back of the house, asleep! She works midnight shift at hospital. So I slipped out the door. Ran my truck right into her ditch and couldn't drive out! Her dad was watching the whole time. Larry had to come and guide me out. He jumped on my back bumper! Told me "see my 300 pounds comes in handy every now and then." I'd have died of embarrassment if it had been someone else.   But I sure felt loved for a moment.

Stopped of at the Blue Room to see if Blackie was playing moon. It was dark inside. Drank half a Budlight. Then went on home. Mom was surprised to see me; I'd planned on staying two nights in Longview. Lost the need and wanted to go home. Got Lydia, and drove on home to Killeen.

2010-08-08T16:50:00.001-07:00

I look at her and think.....
She's Mine

Then I see the shoes ~

And I'm reminded....

No,
She is Her Own

2010-08-08T16:47:00.003-07:00

2010-08-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

2010-08-08T16:40:00.001-07:00

2010-08-08T16:39:00.001-07:00

Camper

2010-07-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

I so want a little CAMPER LIKE THIS!!! Would you stay in it if you came to visit????

This is who my little Lydia is named after....

2010-07-26T05:29:00.001-07:00

http://alexwolfphotography.com/my-little-sunshine-my-only-sunshine/

Pictures....

2010-07-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

This note is for Becky.....if you haven't noticed yet...I'm lazy. (Or just a really bad procrastinator...or both) I am in a bad habit of Not taking pictures. When I do, they stay on my camera until I realize some of them are over a year old. (Bad mommy.)

I also have some computer issues. Mr. Stephen loves to pop keys off of my laptop. Right now I'm missing the N and the Spacebar!!!! So...my 80wpm is now averaging 10wpm.

So.........this is my excuse for using pictures from Your blog.

I hope it doesn't freak you out too much. Atleast I'm not just some strange woman out there putting pictures of your baby on my blog....I'm sorta special. (and ok, I am a little strange)

I just love you.

These are some of my recent favs......

2010-05-04T17:27:00.001-07:00

Seemed like the perfect time to start my granny afghan ~ I'll let you know how it's coming along.

Missing Granny

2010-04-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

In John 16, Jesus says

In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me again.

You will cry and be sad. You will be sad, but your sadness will become joy. I will see you again and you will be happy, and no one will take away your joy.

John 14:3 Jesus said.....

I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am.

She went to prepare a place for us.

Look what the Easter Bunny left!

2010-04-05T05:27:00.001-07:00

I just realized that I can transfer pictures from Becky's blog to mine!!! (such a nerd)

This made my Monday morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snow Pictures

2010-03-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Soldier Girl

2010-03-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

It was a little more than a year ago that I was concerned about my daughter going to Iraq. Julia was head set on joining the Marines. I remember telling my friend Carla, after finding out that a friend was pregnant, that I wished it was Julia ~ so she would drop this soldier nonsense. We all know what happened there.

Now, that she has decided not to join, and become a wife instead - man am I relieved. I don't dare tell her anything like "I knew you weren't going to do it." I spent many days knowing that she could and would. I pre-thought the prayers that I would need to pray; for the grace I was prepared to beg for. I also had a going away speech for her, planned in my mind....now I give it to her best friend.

For Tommie

Look what you've gone and done. You signed up and then told us all, and we were in quite a shock. Like thinking my Julia was not strong enough, many thought you couldn't make it either. Girl, you couldn't clean the bathtub to your Mommas standards, how the hell are you making it as a Marine? I am amazed.

I don't know if I could be more proud if you were my daughter.

Please remember us simple folk back here in Texas. Now that you have new loyalties, don't forget who loved you first. I'll always remember you coming to my house and drinking all my Dr. Pepper. I'll never forget you being my daughters best friend. Thank-you for sharing with me how sick you became when she was having her baby and you couldn't be with her because you were in another state. I told you before, when someone wasn't sure you were 'the best influence'...blah blah blah, that I didn't worry about it. 'Tommie might be rough around the edges, but she's got Julia's heart.'

Now you're one of America's Finest.

Remember this...

You are going to experience so many things. Don't be surprised if you're at a resturant and when you go to pay your bill, the couple in the corner have already picked up your tab. On another day, a child might tug at her mommas hand and say 'Look Momma - it's a soldier! And it's a GIRL.' On a different day, some jackass might throw things at you and scream at you because you carry a gun and are fighting the fight.

Give that couple a thank-you; they are proud and honored. Smile at the little girl and remember that you were once her. And shoot the jackass with that gun. (No...remember that you're fighting for their freedom to think and say that, and turn your head...you are now so far above them.)

I'm not sure what you're going to experience when you step off that plan. Hold on to yourself. Remember where you came from and who you are.

Remember this...
When you get back to Texas, to your family; honor your mom and dad; like you've been instructed to. Love your family and your people; even if you've seen things we can't imagine. Even when we don't understand. Don't come back too much 'better' than us.

When you get back to the United States, remember to love us. You'll notice more how people think things that are just stupid after what you've been through. Please love your country anyway.

Most of all...No matter what you witness, when you return, love your God. Hold onto your faith and remember that above all ~ a daughter, a soldier ~ you are a child of the King.

We are all so proud ~ and watching the calendar; counting the days for your return.

In Like a Lamb???

2010-03-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

March is here, we couldn't keep her away forever.

I remember dreading June last year. When it's first days appeared, I felt like I was riding a ticking time bomb. It's explosion finally hit, and we were left to pick up the pieces. We did.

Now March is upon us. I'm watching a friend who has dreaded the month, hold on to her world with both hands. She road my ride out with me and always knew what to say to make me feel better. I'm afraid I can't offer the same. One of the 'wise' things she told me is that ~"You have a daughter right now, and this granddaughter is still yours, in your home, today. Don't worry and focus on tomorrow; just today."

For now all I can offer is the same. "You have a daughter who is with us today, maybe not it your home, but alive and well. Don't worry and focus on tomorrow and what might happen, but know that today she is fine."

You know, now that most of my pain is behind me, I feel so rotten for complaining and falling apart as I did. My Julia was so healthy and brave, she just had a baby for God's sake. Carla is sending her Tommie Ann to Afghanistan.

Tommie is Julia's best friend.

Let's try that again...

2010-03-01T05:48:00.000-08:00

Man, last week wore me out! And, I only accomplished half of the things I wanted to. Didn't touch my bedroom. (I have two suitcases to unpack. One is from my Waco trip on 2/6, the other is from two weekends ago...they're laying on the floor ~ maybe today's the day. I hate admitting that, but that's what life looks like right now. I've gone through and gotten a few things out of each, but left the rest.)

I did make the kids rooms so much nicer. Moved furniture to sweep/mop under. No glasses to be found. The problem I have with the glasses is not so much that it costs $97 to replace them (which I don't have today) but this: Lydia is at a 1.75 right now and her doctor wants to see her to move her up towards a 3.0; she's very farsighted. It's time for her to see the eye doctor now in March, and he's going to want to see her in the 1.75 to check her vision. So, I have to buy the weak pair, just for the visit. I'm calling them today to see if they have other suggestions.

On a good financial note, David has ten jobs lined up. The first is very close to us and huge! It will actually catch us up on anything we haven't been able to pay since Christmas. Isn't that crazy? We've gone from no jobs since Christmas, to lining up ten in one week. Needless to say, David has started not sleeping, just over the weekend. It's been so weird having him sleep at night. I'll wake up to him snoozing - something I haven't heard in years, literally. And that's with us BROKE. Line the jobs up that are going to pay our way, and he wears his self out with worry. There's got to be a better way.

I haven't left the house since last Monday. Lydia and I are running to Goodwill today to get rid of some junk and then to the grocery store. This weeks menu has a lot of beef in it, because that's what's in the freezer. The grocery list itself is quite small ~ and I like that. I had Windex on the list, but am going to try to make a homemade version with ingredients I have on hand. (I do want to buy a new potty seat for the kids bathroom this week and two pillows for the guest bath)

This week:
Finish the office. Make guest bed with old quilts. ~~(Clean windows in that room due to roof leak - nasty!)~~
Detail boys closet and drawers. (Put rollaway bed on Craigslist!!!!)
~~Detail laundry room and storage area here.~~
Organize grains and baking goods in kitchen.
~~Clean master bath and bedroom~~; closet floor and old clothes out of there.

No crafts or other projects for Stacy this week. Gotta get this house in shape. Do have two sweet projects to do with the kids, concerning rain. And, I am starting my soft cheese routine this week. Yum....

Plans are on the way!

2010-02-22T05:51:00.000-08:00

I accomplished all the "things" on my to-do list last week, but my house suffered for it. I don't know what my problem is, but just getting me and the kids packed and ready to go somewhere makes a huge mess...not to mention us coming home with luggage, dirty clothes, and collections from Waco. There really isn't one clean area in the house right now.

This weekend was so great. Sunday the kids and I went to West to see David's mom, Lydia. She gave me an old bed to use in our guest room - can't wait to get it up. We then went to my Aunt Louise and Uncle John's 60th Wedding Anniversery party. Uncle John is my Papa George's little brother. They're absolutely ageless and such a pleasure to be around. The time with family was great, but my littles tag-teamed me the entire time. Wore momma out.

Back track a little...we went to Waco on Friday to see Eddy Raven. My mom, Michael Anne and her boyfriend Matt, and I went; Julia and Steven met us there. It was a good, clean atmosphere, and the music was great. (except for the smoke...before Eddy came out to sing, I already sounded like I'd been to a football game; completely hoarse)

Julia and Steven had dinner Saturday night with her dad and Steven asked for his blessing to marry Julia!!! We're planning a September 18th wedding.

********
As for this week:

On the school front; we're going to study migration/hibernation; finish our books on Ben Franklin and create a history timeline (I would love to run a timeline down the hall, but I don't have wall space! There are doors every few feet...may make one that rolls up so we can just set it out when we need it)

No canning or other crafts this week - need to get my head on straight first.
~~Am planning on getting potatoes and onions into the garden later this week after the cold spell lets up.~~

Going to take one room at a time and put it back in order.

Monday: ~~Pick up living area and kitchen. No obvious messes. Dust furniture and sweep/mop floors. Take load of junk to Goodwill~~.
Tuesday: ~~Organize all hidden areas in living room and kitchen (buffett, book shelves, chest of drawers~~)
Wednesday: ~~Detail Kids bathroom and all cabinets/drawers.~~
Thursday: Don't forget co-op. ~~Detail Lydia's room, closet and chest of drawers. Start downsizing toys.~~
Friday: ~~Detail Boy's room~~, closet, and drawers. Time to get clothes out that we're not wearing and make a list of what we need (all kids) Put roll-away bed on Craigslist with picture.
Saturday: ~~Detail my room and bath.~~ Clean closet floor and remove clothes I'm not wearing.
Sunday: ~~Create office area and guest room in Julia's old room - treat wood from bed Lydia gave us. Bring out quilt/blankets to use. (I think I need to buy pillows)~~

Have a blessed week

Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T06:05:00.000-08:00

Accomplished most of the list yesterday. It left me in tears! Really. Gold's wouldn't let me cancel my membership and I cried all the way home. The contract is until November. I've canceled the check account that it was taken out of - so they'll just have to send me a bill. Never Again!

While I accomplished lot's of little things yesterday - my house is a WRECK. I can't remember the last time it was so nasty. I broke down to David last night. It's like I've been so excited about all the things that are coming up, with our house, and the garden; but now that I'm here and it's time to do the WORK, I don't know how to fit it in. My little sister is taking a Psychology class right now and she said it sounds like I have all the signs for Bi-Polar (sp?). We all know I'm nuts.

So...the list for today has been shortened, putting my babies front and center:

Everyone up / dressed / animals fed / breakfast
Littles Help load bread machine
Put all laundry up
Thaw roast meat
Troy in charge of getting littles to load/unload dishes and pick up Kitchen (while mom dresses)
School: Yellow LLATL, Math Quiz (got to get it up to 90% before moving on), Ben Franklin Biography.
Littles: Paint with water colors, math manipulative box, Train Lapbook (counting section)
Discuss with kids importance of this morning routine and write it down for us to see

Lunch - open faced grilled cheese (broiled) Fruit

Boys to greenhouse to take feed sacks to burn pile
Bring back seed pots
Mom Sweep Kitchen / Living Areas (let the rest go!)

Plant seeds for tomatoes, peppers, Granny Mary's pink flowers

Kids to watch movie / popcorn while I start Cactus Jelly (1 gallon jar juice)
Start Roast

For Lent ~
I'm starting on a diet of sorts with my Dallas Dobecka cousins. There are 10 of us trying to encourage each other to be healthier. We're meeting April 10 and there will be a prize for the person who accomplishes the most (weight loss).

I feel like I have a head start because I gave up the Dr. Peppers at Thanksgiving. I've had a few since then, and they send me straight through the roof! So...no more.

I'm going to try to give up sweet snacks. A little creamer in my coffee is it. No cakes,cookies,candy. :(
My poor face really needs all the help it can get. Lydia brought me a band-aid yesterday and wanted me to put it on a zit! I look like puberty warmed-over.

On a spiritual note ~ I'm going to work on 40 days of Forgiveness.

Have a Blessed Day

Cesky Krumlov

2010-02-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

I stop by this blog once a week http://czechproperty.blogspot.com/. It's my favorite "Czech" blog, about a Brit woman that has bought a home in Cesky Krumlov. This week, she has a post about her involvement in an Archaeological Society in this area with links to http://ceskykrumlovholiday.co.uk/; she caught my attention when she mentioned that most people only see Krumlov when they take a one day break from Prague. (What really got my attention was the heading picture at this second site, which looks a lot like David in this picture!:)

This was true for David and me as well. We started our Czech tour in Prague, for three days. Prague is comparable in size to San Antonio. While this is the Bohemian capital, and it has so many wonderful things to see, we were looking for a smaller town. When traveling through Texas, we're happier at the little towns like Moulton, a little smaller than our own West. San Antonio and Austin are just places to go to see something in particular, not a place we want to stay.

On the next location of our tour, we stayed in Czecky Budejovice, which was more to our liking. From here we took a one day trip to Krumlov....and fell in love. It is a magical village that makes you feel like you've stepped back in time ~ five hundred years. You expect women to come out of their homes in long dresses, horses pulling people through town, a black smith at the end of the road.

We are planning on going back in 2012, when the Littles are old enough to travel. This time, we want to stay the entire summer, and Cesky Krumlov is our first choice when looking for a home to rent. Maybe I can drive this poor Brit woman nuts and have her send one of her Brit friends home to England for the summer???

While we want to travel the entire country, and spend a little time in Lichnov digging up family history, or in Stramberk with our cousin Mates, I'd love to stay in Cesky Krumlov.

After a While

2010-02-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

David's Debbie contacted me for a copy of this poem tonight. I remember when I got my heart broken for the first time. Two women in my life (that loved the same man) comforted me. One crawled in bed and held me in her arms and we cried together. The other gave me a small copy of this poem. They both loved me through that hurt. I've kept a copy of it all these years....I was 16 then.

Man...for so long I thought it didn't apply to my life anymore because I had someone to fill the spaces in my life. But tonight, copying it down for Debbie, it hit again how true it's words can be.

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and dreams have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn

With every goodbye, you learn......

At this place in life, I've learned the difference in holding my child's hand, and chaining her soul. I've felt the greatest defeat of my life ~ I lost. In a place where I didn't think I could even live, I survived, I endured. I'm learning that I really am strong, I do have worth. I didn't get The Mother of the Year award ~ but I'm the mother I was meant to be.

Now I'm learning to plant my own garden...and watching as my daughter learns to plant her own as well ~ with so much more strength and determination than her mother.

On one more note...I could have told little Georgia goodbye. But I didn't have to. I've been allowed to hold onto a little piece of her, to love her. Every new post that her mother puts out and every new picture is another band-aid. More glue, to hold me together. Through Becky and Shelby, I'm seeing that my daughter is the strong one. She has become the bravest woman I know. After a while, we learn...........

Thanks Debbie.

Another Birthday

2010-02-07T19:37:00.000-08:00

I turned 37 yesterday.

The kids & I drove to Hewitt to my Aunt Beverly's house for a Girl Party. It was so nice - as usual. These are just my favorite girls. Julia didn't get to join us and I missed her face, her compliments, her voice. Michael Anne gave me a precious frog bird feeder - I plan to hang it out side my bathroom window to attract neighbors. Mom gave me a sweet Bunny salt and pepper shaker - Lydia's already keeping a close eye on it.

I left in the middle of a horrible asthma attack; made it to Wal-mart for an inhaler, then drove to my Granny's for a breathing treatment. We had a good visit and my drugs finally wore off so that I felt safe to drive.

Spent the rest of the day hanging out at mom's.

Saturday, Dad, the littles and I ran to Homestead Heritage to buy seeds. I spent all of my birthday money!!!!! Bought 3 types of corn...just because they were so pretty. Talked with the man that works there about how many pounds of seed potatoes I needed for 7 80foot rows...He said one pound per 10 linear feet...560 foot = 56 pounds...this is a minimum. So I bought 20 pounds of all 3 varieties they had on hand.

Had my virst nervous attack in a while as we were leaving ~ not sure if it was the thought of planting 60 pounds of potatoes and 3 bags of corn.....or the Dr. Pepper I was nursing. I gave that drink up at Thanksgiving and dad assured me that it was just the caffeine.

We headed over to Cavenders so dad could get some boots and little Stephen had to get a new pair of Wranglers ~ 6 slim. He was so proud and had to go show Daddy - Look! Waners!

We ran back to the house so I could get dressed and headed out to Tours for my cousins wedding reception. It was very nice and so good to see Rene, Steph, and Bradley. These are my Leathers family and I love to see their faces.

Lydia danced every song, but Stephen didn't have a good time. He and I danced the Wedding March and he was having fun. Almost to the end, he got really hot and started "spazing" on me. He's squeeze my hand real tight and make this funny look with his face, with both his fists clinched. We went to set down and he wanted to take his shirt off! My modest man! After I undid 2 buttons he remembered he had an audience and changed his mind. Not long after that, he just fell into tears. I think the heat, all the people, and the loud music just made him a wreck. We left a little early.

It was a very busy weekend and I'm so glad to be back at home - missed my big man. Left David home for the weekend to "nurse" a few broken toes. Found him in the neighbors pasture when I got home, cutting down cedar trees to use for posts on our new front porch. Inside the house, he had hung our cow/rug/project/thingies on the wall to get them off the floor. So much for pain. He just can't stop...I guess it would take me having to cut his boots off for him to rest a little. Since he can still pull them off his swolen foot, why stop?

All My Gorgeous Girls

2010-01-06T05:46:00.000-08:00

Look Who Came for Christmas

2009-12-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

This is Julia and her Steven - aren't they gorgeous?!?!?!

For My Daughter

2009-12-23T15:20:00.000-08:00

I found this for my Julia, but it applies to my journey as well........

Embrace Change
Take the journey back to your self
Love with abandon
Speak of your gratitude
Wear Yellow Shoes
Unlease your creative spirit
Dance in the moonlight
Be positive
Believe in HEALING
Share your inner light
Surprise yourself and do the thing you didn't think you could do
Live as if you've only been given One chance

http://kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/
A painting I purchased for Jewels from Kelly Rae Roberts collection at Splendors in Salado.

2009-12-14T14:46:00.000-08:00

Georgia with Nonnie

Georgia with Mommy

We made a trip to North East Texas to see this beautiful baby!!! It was a long drive, but a much needed retreat. David's mother, Lydia, went with me and David, plus our three kids...Then Mom,Dad, and Michael followed. East Texas is so green right now and I'm in love with the pine trees.

The evening started at Becky and Shelby's house. We all snooped at Becky's goodies and took notes of things we want to come home and copy...I have a new use for the old gate from Oak Lake. My kids drug out all the toys Becky has stashed and we just sit around and loved on Baby Georgia.

Later, we went to Becky's parents house. On the way, we stopped at their farm that has just finished it's Christmas Tree sale and drove through the peach orchard. Wow!!! Lot's of hard work can be seen and the place is amazing. (David & I came home and marked all the places on our property that we can plant fruit trees!)

James & Mary welcomed us into their home like old friends. Becky's sister Kathy and her husband brought their three kiddos over; I'm so glad Georgia has cousins to grow up ~ I'm sure they will be the best of friends. My three loved playing with them...and dragging out MORE toys.

Georgia was so good all evening. We all got lots of hugs and kisses; she's growing too fast. Poor Becky's going to need a chiropractor and a good message soon!

It was such a special weekend and I just praise God for placing us in each others path ~ isn't life amazing?

Still Here

2009-12-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm still out here - just exhausted. I have felt for so long like I completely fell of my rocker. Things are finally doing better. I don't cry anymore. Instead, I check my blog everymorning while I'm having coffee and peak at the top corner to see if there are new pictures of The Bug...and enjoy her when I can.

I'm not rocking someone to sleep and humming Christmas music. That's what I thought I'd lose my mind over - not rocking her. But it's OK. Finally....

I begged God for things He didn't have in store for my family. I cried out to Him to let me love this little one...and He said "Love the ones I have given you" ~ but He also answered my prayer; and Becky's too. It's so miraculously amazing. While planning a trip to see my granddaughter, I realize that I'm just as excited about seeing her parents and the rest of her family as I am about seeing her!! God threw us all together so quickly and said "Love them all" ~ and I stand amazed. Have you seen their pictures? Aren't they just gorgeous?

Tonight Steve & Julia came over and had dinner with us and put my tree up. It was a sweet evening - I just wish I had more energy. I would have loved to curl up by the fire and nap while they worked. (I think I did...BUT I MADE PIZZAAAAA) They look so happy and I think they are both healing. I see glimpses of my old Julia, along side the woman she is becoming.

Lydia loves new attention and she called big Steve "Sterr" which is what she calls her brother Stephen. But then later in the night she called him Matt. I said no, that's big Steve ~ she said No - It's a Matt. (That's Michael's fiance) She's just a little spoiled.

We've had a busy week. Showed our rent house next door a few times and talked with a few people on the phone about it. It's so hard to let anyone move in when they will be your closest neighbors. We've become lazy by having the same wonderful couple live there since 2004. I have to remind myself to watch and wait - it's better to pay the mortgage ourselves if needed than to get the wrong family moved in.

Have had a lot of customers buying hamburger meat and it's keeping me jumping - always fun.

David & Troy took our Britney Spaniel - Jack in this Monday to have him put down. Troy has spent a lot of time at his little grave and he's even written a story for him. He makes me read it a few times a day and cries his heart out.

On an up note - we've had the best school week of the year! Will try to post more about it soon.

Counting my blessings.

Healing

2009-08-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

Months ago, Julia and I purchased tickets to see Def Leppard. I was expecting it to be wild, and to make me cry, bringing back memories from my past...but I was wrong.

The concert was laid back with most people there being my husbands age. They partied and had a great time without getting out of hand. I just set there for a while thinking it just what the doctor ordered. No...I didn't cry. We danced and laughed and had a blast.

I honestly haven't felt that happy or in control of myself since Julia's stick turned pink.

We got up the next morning and shopped downtown Grapevine. The ladies working along the strip were so nice; nothing like the snobs in Salado. I love the town and would really like to go back.

To finish off a perfect weekend, we drove to East Texas to see Miss Priss. Up until the day before I was terrified to make the trip. You see, I had plans that I would be rocking this baby and holding her everyday. But events changed - and God changed my heart. I was so afraid that when I saw her I'd buckle and cry. I pictured me and Julia crying in the car and having a hard time getting back home. But it was nothing like that. Becky and Shelby showed us their precious home and I just fell in love with them a little more. Georgia snuggled with both me and Julia, and fell asleep in my arms for a little bit. Julia got to give her a bottle and I changed her diaper. She loves being talked to and was so good. I see so much of Julia in her, and maybe a little of my brother Stephen. I can't wait to do more with them and meet the rest of their family.

We left a little earlier than I would have liked, but they had dinner plans and Becky looked like she could use a nap ~ new babies can make you sleepy. Jewels and I just set in the truck and looked at each other - amazed. For the first time I knew that everything was right and that we were all going to heal.

Amazing what a few days can do for a crazy woman.

2009-08-20T03:48:00.000-07:00

I do believe these last two months have been harder than the nine before them ~ at least for Dashee. Everyday brings a reminder; a hospital bill that needs to be forwarded to the adoption agency; the babies Social Security card with Julia's last name on it; diaper and formula samples in the mail. Some days, when the day is almost over, I have a realization that "Wow...I didn't ache today" and I think that the pain has past. Then another day hits and I wonder if another good day will ever come again ~ and it does.

This is depression.

I'm also dealing with great anxiety and the smallest things make my skin start to crawl and my heart to race. I've finally seen a doctor that thought at first that I had the signs of being bi-polar. Then I went on to tell her about the past year. We are working on finding something to help me chill. I've also requested a blood test to check my hormones because I think something is off balance - we'll see.

In the middle of this, I know that my daughter has done a wonderful thing. I check Georgia's blog everytime there is an update (it's at the top right hand corner of my blog) and I fall in love a little more with her and her parents every day. Aren't they just beautiful?

I've spent a few cool days with Julia and we've had good times. She and I are planning on a weekend trip to see Def Lepard!!!! Rock on Dashee. And then sneaking up to see Ms Priss - I can't wait.

http://patricelewis.blogspot.com/2009/08/interesting-perspective.html

I read this blog entry today and I wish I could have set and watched this man play. To Today ~ and Tomorrow ~ may I notice the beauty that surrounds me.

Home

2009-06-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me a song on my email the night after we had Georgia...David ended up picking me up off the floor for that one - Jenn, were you trying to kill me? I'll see if I can get it posted soon.

I took Julia to sign all the paperwork for her baby's adoption this morning. We held Georgia and I warned Becky that I might follow them home - watch out for my orange pick-up girl - I'm going to take the beef signs off of it so you won't know it's me! I can't wait to see her again, and Michael-Anne and I are planning a quick trip soon.

After months of agonizing over this baby, I summed the feelings up tonight. I don't like theme parks. I hate rides - refuse to ride them. This year has been like waiting in line for the most frightful, dreaded ride you can think of...knowing it might give you a heart attack. Knowing that you could easily just turn around and not ride it and do what you know how to do anyway - have a baby.

This week has been the actual ride. It's been down, up, slammed down again. Sounds have come from my body and mouth - my soul - that I didn't know I had in me, as I cried out to God.

Today, signing the papers, then spending time with Julia in town was just getting off the ride...when your heart is still in your chest, your skin is frightful white, you're afraid to say anything or move.

But tonight the ride is over. We did it. It was worth it. It didn't kill me. Just like I knew it would, it has made me stronger.

Now I don't ever want to ride anything like that again. I plan on putting on some sunscreen, my big glasses, big hat, a cold Dr Pepper, and sitting in a big tube, floating on the lazy river...no ups and downs; no rapids.

God - don't remind me that I had four kids right now.

June 17, 1950

2009-06-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

My Granny Alma just called to check on us...and to let me know that this would have been her & PaPa George's 59th anniversary...

I remember a party we had for Mary and Blackie's 48th - it was in 92. I mentioned to Alma that mom was glad we were doing it, because she didn't know if they'd make it to their 50th. Granny just smiled and said "George & I will make it to ours." That was the summer of '92, they had been married 42 years, and George slipped away from us in the April of '93...they never saw their 43rd. Blackie passed three weeks later.

On this date of their anniversary - my daughter gave them their first great-great grandchild; and her mother named her GEORGIA.

Praise God in His Heavens

She's Here

2009-06-18T06:58:00.001-07:00

Miss Georgia Claire presented herself yesterday morning at 10:00 am. She's amazing and looks like Julia, with her nose and red lips.

Julia's delivery went very fast. We were at the hospital by 5, epidural by 8:30, I don't think she had to push a full 15 minutes. She's doing well, but very sore and worn out.

Georgia's mommie was shaking and you could tell her nerves were frazzled. I think she was afraid I might change Julia's mind.

2009-06-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

2009-06-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

June is here

2009-06-05T06:32:00.001-07:00

There is a place we hang out in Port A, called Charlies Pasture. I think we're trespassing...but my thought has always been as long as we don't mess anything up, steal anything, or leave any trash...and as long as we don't get caught...it's not bad????

It's part of the ship channel. When a ship goes through, it seems to take the water with it. We can run out onto the "beach" it has created and get the best shells. But as soon as the ship passes, the channel floods - quickly. You have to RUN away from it. I'm not a swimmer, and to have no water at my feet, followed by water to my hips in 2 seconds is terrifying.

I feel like that right now. Like I'm on that clean beach, looking for treasures. But I have a watchful eye waiting for the water to come gushing back towards me and carry me away.

It hurts because this is one of my favorite places to be, and probably one of the most dangerous. I don't like playing with fire - but will be stronger after I've been burned.

Still Here

2009-06-05T06:26:00.001-07:00

I'm still here...hanging on by a thread.

Stumbled upon this blog today and can't wait to read it over the weekend http://highdeserthome.blogspot.com

At one part, she talks about moving and finding things that stir up memories. It has made me think: I want to move - and quickly. I'm ready to make memories and a life with my family, but I don't know if it is to be here, at this home. I want to move before I make too many connections with this place.

David & I moved here in 99. Recently, we had the chance to snoop at our old house in West, while it was between owners. It was so amazing to look in the windows and see the poem on the wall that I had painted. The roses David planted in the back yard for me. The fence we put up to divide the back yard for my garden and David's dogs. The pond David had dug by hand on the 4th of July - the hotest day. The cobbled looking path David had made with concrete to the back corner of the garden.

We fell in love at that house. Our first child was born in the back bedroom. Our wedding was outside by the pond.

Oh my God - I just realized that we've been in this place ten years! I don't think we have that many beautiful memories here. What's happened? Oh there are memories, but they hurt. They are bittersweet. I'll start digging them up to share soon.

Update on Michael

2009-05-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Michael had her surgery on Thursday. The week up until that point had been a nightmare for all of us. We felt that she was neglected at the hospital until they had all of the necessary insurance information. Someone had to be with her around the clock and hunt the nurses down to get her medicine for pain. She was not seen by a doctor until Wednesday - she'd been in since Saturday night.

The surgery went well - we think, and she is very optimistic. We finally got to see the x-rays and they were worse than expected. The left heal has been crushed; surgery required a metal bar that goes up into the calf, then rests below the calf. The left foot was broken were the toes meet the foot, also crushed. She will wear a special boot on this foot that has a cushioned heal that she can use to help her move the rest of herself. I haven't seen the vertebrea, but she is in a back brace and I feel this is promising. The doctor intended to put a screw in her shoulder area, but once in realized the bone was shaddered in that area...so he used the tendons to tie the rotator cuff into place.

She has been moved to a rehab facility - which is the actual "old" hospital. Mother wonders about the place. The entire hospital is lit up, still full of beds, tvs, phones, etc. with the A/C set on 65...and there are only 14 patients! Who's paying that utility bill? She said the place feels creepy and I'm sure it's probably haunted...the original part is atleast as old as the 40's...maybe Blackie will pay them a visit.

Michael is so emotional! When I walked in the room on Saturday, she just started crying. It seems she has one good day, followed by a very sad/painful day. But she's putting up the good fight.

She is going to get to come home on Saturday (2 weeks from accident) for 6 hours to see how she does, and may get to come home for good on Tuesday.

The Beautiful One

2009-05-05T05:05:00.000-07:00

David mentioned to our foreman, Jose, last month about his sister in law. We were doing a roof for a co-worker of David's SIL and he wanted to do a great job so she'd give us good reviews. When David said something about his SIL, Jose asked him if it was The Beautiful One. He was talking about my little sister!

Michael Anne is my family's pride and joy. She slipped into our lives when I was 14 and we've been in love with her every day of her life. Michael is an amazing young woman. A country girl.

Praise GOD for this little girl! Praise God for the angels he has sent to watch over her.

This Saturday, she was in a nasty accident with an ATV. It threw her off and then landed on her legs. Her boyfriend, Matt, was with her. He wanted to lift her up and put her in the back of the ATV to get her out, but she wouldn't let him move her. She knew her back was broken. They were able to get her truck to the place of the accident, and she told his friends where to touch her so that they could put her in the truck. They then took her to the hospital in Gainesville. My mom and other SIL went there that night. The hospital was too small to handle her injuries, so they sent her by ambulance to the hospital in Waco.

I stayed the second night with her and it was a mess. The staff were very sweet, but absolute idiots. I finally started a chart of my own, set my cell phone alarm for every two hours, and had to hunt a nurse down every two hours to give her pain medication. At 1AM, the nurse gave her a shot for nausea, because she was throwing up so badly. She told me she'd be back in at 1:30 with pain rx. So...I laid down on the couch and crashed. At 3:30, Michael woke me up moaning. She was trembling all over. I went down the hall looking for her nurse...she told me that she'd come in at 1:30, but Michael was asleep, so she didn't put the rx in her iv.????????

This woman's in pain! At this point, she's been there over 48 hours and there has been no doctor. Someone finally came in with a back brace for her, but they've yet to do anything to stabilize her arm or her feet. Every new person that comes in, doesn't know her injuries and they start grabbing her to move her, not knowing that the bones are broken!

At this point, she has two broken ankles, as well as the bones across one foot; three fractured vertebrae, and something is fractured in her shoulder/rotator cuff.

Monday was a better day, because we kept her sedated. She woke up in good spirits and ate a little, but couldn't keep it down. Hopefully we'll get her into surgery Tuesday.

She's got a good hard month of May ahead of her. She can handle it, she's tough. We're just so thankful that there is nothing damaged internally - just broken bones.

Winds are Changing

2009-04-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to post here and be as honest as I can. You see...I've fought Julia on the adoption issue since the stick turned blue! Every moment since that last week in October, I have focused on the baby she's carrying.

I was pregnant with Julia when I was 17. The thought of not wanting to be her mother never crossed my mind. She has been the best part of my life and I know that God gave her to me for a reason. He knew I needed her. I've been certain that Julia would feel the same way about her baby.

The first week of February, I wrote her one of many letters - I'll try to share it here later. I asked her then, if she'd just give us one month. One month of no fighting. No screaming at each other. No crying - at least in front of her. Just one month of possibility. She was so mad at me that day and I left her friends house crying. But she gave me February. She gave me March. Then the first week of April came and she walked in with the news that we had an appointment with the adoption agency the next week - just like I knew she would.

We met a wonderful woman named Jackie that introduced us to the first choice in parents. There was a few couples that had agreed to an open adoption. Julia and I looked over them and marked half off the list that day. Then she spent the rest of the week studying the rest.

She went to Waco by herself to look at the scrap books the parents had put together. She called me so excited over one couple. One picture had them sledding on a trash can lid - and she fell in love. They had wonderful pictures of their family. Their parents, holding their other grandchildren. Their siblings with their kids. My first thought was that I didn't care about their family - what about our family? What about my mom and dad holding their great-granddaughter?

Again I've found myself on the floor with my face in my hands, begging God make this pain stop. To heal my daughter. To heal me.

This Monday, we planned to meet the couple. I was so numb. Julia was bubbling. All weekend felt like a bad dream. Monday morning came and I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I had to take Stephen to the Dr. that morning for some issues, and David met me there to take him and Troy off my hands. I got drenched in the rain!....and I felt a little better. Julia and I met at her ob/gyn...she got in trouble for gaining 10 pounds this month. Everything else was fine. I then followed her to the restaurant to meet with the agency and this couple. Like the post before, I parked my truck calmly, and I begged God to show me the feet to follow. But there were no feet. I floated into that meeting and made it through with the best of strength I could hold on to ~ all the time asking God, "where do you want me?"

I left at 1:15 with the first peace of comfort I've felt since October. At my next appointment, at 1:30 (I planned a busy day on purpose) - I walked into the lobby and the first thing I saw was a necklace. A big gaudy silver heart with words on it. I picked it up and it had footprints on it and said "THIS IS WHEN I CARRIED YOU" No wonder I felt like I was floating. No wonder there were no feet to follow.

Shoes

2009-04-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

A feeling is coming over me that I've felt before ~

When I was in Kindergarden, there was a Senior in highschool that I was terrified of. When we'd step outside to go ANYWHERE - I'd look down at the ground, usually with my hand shading my eyes, so I would not see him. He road my bus, and I knew when his house was coming up that it was time for me to look down at my hands and close my eyes until the bus started again. On Western Day, there I was in the gym wearing my jeans and boots, my little hand covering my eyes, watching the girl in front of me and following her boots...until they disappeared. I kept on walking and ran into the gym wall.

The last time I remember that feeling, I was 32. It was my first time to fly ~ my first time out of Texas. At the airport, I made sure that I never looked at the planes. When we were boarding, I looked at the persons feet in front of me and just followed them; making sure I never looked up to see the plane. I made myself think I was just stepping into another room. Julia was 14. She held my hand and I cried.

The feeling is back. We are meeting the parents she has chosen for her baby girl. I'll be with her for her doctor's appointment tomorrow, then we're rushing over to meet this couple for lunch. I don't want to meet them. I'm hoping they'll take one look at us and run! I'm not sure who's shoes I'll follow into the restuarant.

She's Got A Way

2009-04-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Thank God for my Girls....Mary, Alma, Billie, Beverly, Vicki, Judy, Debbie, Carla, Robyn, Patty, Sheri, Leslie, Mikey, Jewels, Tippy, Allie, Reagan, Liddy, Stevie.

The First Time...

2009-04-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

This song makes me think of the first time you see your baby...the first time I saw my baby.

(Added a Johnny Cash version for Julia)

I Just Love You Too

2009-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard this song....
I was expecting my daughter to join the Marines.

It reminded me of the times when she was very little and had to stay in daycare while I worked. I missed her so much and just hated the days she'd cry when I left. When it was time for me to pick her up, she'd drop what ever she was playing with and run to me - MOMMA!

I imagined me and her singing this song to each other. Only in the second part, I'd ask her when she was coming home...

I'm coming home soon.

News

2009-04-08T06:47:00.001-07:00

I don't post here as much as I'd like...there's always something on my mind I'd like to share; I just never stop to make it happen.

I've made a playlist of songs (very proud of my non-techie self - it was very easy) that are coming to me during this time - they are for my big girl.

Julia & I bought the cd from Third Day that has the song Tunnel. When I popped it into the CD player in the truck, it comes on as the first song and is LOUD. I always thought, "how can noise like that bring glory to God?" When I brought the cd into the house, I'd always push play, then skip to song #2 to get past this one. So...I never heard the song or even got past the point that it calms down. Somehow it landed in my lap recently and it brought me to my knees. It is definatly for my girl.

She and I are meeting with the adoption agency to look over profiles of potential parents.

All in all - she's doing good. She just looks beautiful.

Please pray for our strenghth.

Angels

2009-03-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt angels? I know I felt the angel who carried David and Troy out of the wreck in '02 - when they hit the semi and totaled the '84 Chevy. I felt angels pick the four corners of my soul up and lift me through labor with little Stephen. It was so amazing, that when I started labor with Lydia, I prayed for God to hurry and send the angels to get me through. They came.

Now I hold my littles and I ask them if they remember coming in on angel's wings. In God's design for them and plan for me, I know they where angels. Sometimes I feel so guilty because we've decided not to have more babies...what if we left one in Heaven?

Tonight I pray that God send angels to protect my oldest. That in the still quite of the night, she feels them surround her. I pray that it takes her breath away.

There's an angel within her now. I wonder if she feels how much I love her too.

God please protect and comfort my family tonight. Send angels.

Don't tell my Husband I'm a Tree Hugger!

2009-02-13T20:40:00.000-08:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Romantic Tree Hugging Money Manager

Christmas Tree???

2009-02-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I think I'll take my tree down tomorrow! You see, I have a 9 foot tree, pre-lit...that's almost out of lights! There are only two sections left that have lights, because it's been on 24/7 since Thanksgiving - except when we travel. Can anyone say "Fire Hazzard"????

I always leave the tree up way past Christmas. It used to come down on January 6th at my parents house. But there have been a Christmas or two at my home that I didn't feel like putting one up to begin with! One year was when we lived in The Box - and mom brought us a little tree to sit on a table. The next time was when our current house was getting the floor ripped out, I had a new baby, and very few marbles left to work with. Mom came and put the tree up for me. We worked the new floor around it, and the tree stayed up for months!

I am a lazy person by nature. Because I just love my tree and all the ornaments I've collected over the years, I can't stand the idea of leaving it up for a couple of weeks.

So this year will be the beginning of a new tradition: Since my birthday is February 6th...we'll just say the Wise Men got confused and came a month late!

The only question now is: do I fix the burned out lights now, before I put the tree up, or do we figure it out at Thanksgiving 2009? I'll give you one guess.

2009-02-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

It's a girl.

For someone.

Dreaming of Baby

2009-01-29T19:28:00.000-08:00

I hope Julia starts having the dreams moms have when their pregnant. I remember my mother dreaming about baby dolphins when she was pregnant with Michael Anne.

We are on our way to Waco tomorrow for a 3D ultrasound of Julia's baby.

Last night, I dreamed about it. In the dream, it was a FAT baby, that turned it's little back to us like it was hiding it's business! When we finally got it to turn over, it was a BOY. I can't wait to see it's little face.

Baby News

2009-01-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

Julia and I met with our first family on Saturday for an interview. It did not go well and the couple will need to go through an agency, because they really desire a closed adoption. I decided that with meeting them, knowing their name, knowing where they live and work...would not work with ME and a closed adoption. Can you see me, driving my orange truck all over town to get glimpses of this sweet baby? Not cool.

I came home and lost what was left of my mind.

Yesterday, I got a wonderful phone call from my Tennessee friend, Rhea. She prayed for Julia over the phone and I learned new direction for my prayers as well.

Up to this point, I've been praying for God's will to be done. I'm afraid to ask for certain things...but believe in Faith and Thankfulness. Rhea prayed for very specific things. So here we go...I purchased a small prayer journal to record my ramblings, I've got my candles burning, my prayer blanket to kneel on, and I'm going start ending and beginning each day begging God to heal all of our hearts.

On another note, we are planning a 3D ultrasound.

The Table

2008-12-31T19:01:00.000-08:00

Please let me share something special in my life with you.

I lost both of my grandfathers in '93. It was during the time of the Waco issue, and the event unfolded in my back yard. Literally. The news station parked in my family's back yard to video the happenings. These were my neighbors.

The week the siege started, we found out that my dad's dad, George, had terminal cancer. He was 68. He lived one mile from my house - all of my life. He died at home six weeks later; days after the compound burned. During the middle of the night, when we were going to see him, the police finally let us through the barricade, instead of the usual route we had been using.

Three weeks later, my mom's dad, Blackie (Troy), died. It was very sudden, a stroke, and he died at the hospital. He lived next door to me - all of my life.

Let me tell you - I am, and always have been a very rotten little girl. Because of these two men, and my daddy. I'm planning on spending the rest of my life being spoiled by David.

I cried often and hurt daily missing the two of them. I met and fell in love with David in May of '96. The spring after that, I wanted to start a garden in our back yard at the Little Green House In West. Before we started, David went with me and dug up dirt from the area where Blackie's garden had been. We added it to our garden and planted the seeds. The little garden went crazy! I learned to can in the summer of '97; with the inherited canners and Mason jars from my Granny Mary. I was so excited to find that tomatoes floated and their skins popped after you had boiled them. I couldn't wait to have my big metal bowl full of green beans to snap. My favorite part of canning is washing the rim down with the kitchen rag before you put the seal on it - I can see Mary's hand in mine.

So many times in that garden, I felt Blackie. Walk up behind me in a pair of blue coveralls. I missed him, but I made peace with him leaving that summer.

I still cried for George. My mother seemed to be upset at one time. How could I love one more than the other? It was not that I loved George more, or missed him more. I was still so hurt at the way this beautiful man had died, and I hadn't found his spirit yet.

David and I married in June of '98. I was pregnant by December (always in December) with Troy. To accommodate the addition to our family, we moved things around in our house. The dining room became the living room, and the dining room table was moved into our small kitchen. David had left for work for the day, and I wanted the buffet in the kitchen as well. So I emptied everything out of it and removed the drawers...then drug, pulled, and pushed it into the kitchen. After I had it in it's new placed, filled with its goodies, and topped with other family heirlooms, I laid my big pregnant body across the table and cried my heart out. I had found him! In my kitchen in the Little Green House In West. The table that George had set at as I grew up was now mine.

I made peace and I let him go to Heaven. Now I have these two beautiful angels watching over me.

In the middle of the numbness I have felt this season, a nostalgic feeling about the table came to me again.

I had it dressed for Christmas, with a beautiful Poinsettia table cloth and my red and green Fiesta dishes. One day I planned to make a few craft items for a friend of mine, and drug out the sewing machine. When I threw back the table cloth to use the table, it's beat up finish and planks of wood popped out at me, seeming to say "Hello" ~ and I felt Alma. My grandmother. How many times had she made cookies or candy on this table? Had she rolled out a pie crust? How many dresses did she make for me that she had cut out on our table?

Now I am preparing to become a grandmother myself ~ and I feel angels.

A new doctor for Stephen

2008-12-31T18:49:00.000-08:00

We met the Dr. in Marble Falls yesterday. Let me say, I fell in love. I don't do doctors. When I first became concerned with Stephen's speech, I took him to a pediatrician in Harker Heights. The woman was an absolute Bitch. She asked me rudely, if your other son didn't talk until later, why are you worried with this one? When I told her that his eyes seemed to cross, she looked at them and said they looked fine - that if he wasn't talking, it was probably that he couldn't hear well and I needed to have his hearing tested.

Well - we did that. Now you know about the vision exams as well.

The Dr. we met yesterday feels the same way I do about Stephen. After three minutes with him, she asked me if we had musicians or engineers in our family. We do. She said, "Stacy, if he was in public school, they would put him into a special learning program, where he would be left. The fact that you are homeschooling him is the best thing for your little guy. It is up to you to find his Brilliance."

There are some things that she is concerned about...certain physical characteristics that he shows. At this time, she wants us to see a genetic specialist and have chromosome testing. We will do this and the MRI with a doctor she recommends in San Antonio.

Even more reasonn for me to reprogram our lifestyle!!!

The Sky is Falling

2008-12-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

Is The Sky Falling????

I found this article today and it made me look hard at our financial situation. Money issues have finally settled in for us like so many others and we're holding on tight. I do wonder in the two time frames that they discuss in this article: What did people sign on for to get out of the financial mess? What freedoms did they put on the line? What liberties?

Updates on Little Stephen

2008-12-19T11:26:00.001-08:00

I'm working on getting Stephen evaluated with a neurodevelopmental group. They encourage homeschooling and help the parent to coach their child with issues they may have, instead of relying on and giving too much authority to an outside source, speech therapist, etc.

To do so, we need to have hearing and vision checked. Well, the hearing was great. The vision however is a little tricky. I took him first to the eye dr. that my SIL works for. She said that his VISION looks perfect, but the muscles in his left eye are not working correctly. It seems that he has trained his eyes to only use the right eye. She recommended that I see a specialist.

We went this week to a children's eye specialist in Austin. She noted that Stephen tilts his head down and then looks up to focus. Her first thought is that it may require surgery to repair. Not to be too hasty, she wants us to wear a special eye patch on the good eye for two hours a day to force him to use the weak eye. He is not a happy man!

After we talked about his other delays, she recommended an MRI.

You can't just run to town and get an MRI! We don't have a pediatrician; the only one that he has ever seen was a jerk. The only other that I know of personally saw Julia when she was little. I called his office and his office manager thought I was crazy. What's new? What upset me first was that when I asked if they were excepting new patients, her reply was...guess what??? "What kind of insurance do you have?" I went on to tell her that we would be cash paying patients and she told me that would be ok, but that if we decided to go on Medicaid, he didn't accept it. Fine Lady - I hardly qualify for Medicaid; I'm ready to give you cash at the time you see my child, what's the problem? Then...when I went on that we didn't have a pediatrician, her question was "How did he get his shots?"

So here we are. After she told me to call back the next day, that she would have to check with the Dr. and see if he would even allow us in his clinic, I've blown them off. Besides, if we have a neurological problem, can a regular ped. even read the MRI.

Finally, I've made an appointment out of town with a dr. that my homeschool group has been talking about and that my midwife uses for her own children. She doesn't file insurance!!!! What a concept. She has also homeschooled her children and recommends certain vaccines, not everyone, and certainly doesn't require that I have them. There is also a facility in this small town that can do the MRI for us.

By the way, I do have insurance. After a calm down, I'll post about my thoughts on THAT problem.

Goodies to Do

2008-12-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

Found this list at: http://www.leapingfromthebox.com/art/kmg/kindergarten.html and thought it was great for us!

Plant a garden
Raise a pet
Create a family newsletter
Keep a scrapbook of pictures and other memorabilia
Attend the local community theatres
Purchase a membership at the local YMCA
Go hiking at a nearby National/State Park
Read poetry and fairy tales and fables and history and whatever else your child might be interested in
Do hands-on arts and crafts
Find a simple science experiment book at the library and try some of the experiments
Play an instrument
Take dance lessons or karate lessons or learn yoga
Buy some binoculars, put out some birdseed, and learn to identify birds
Visit museums - hands-on science, history, art, marine, planetariums, aviation, racing, naval, automobile, etc.
Plan a trip, using maps and other resources
Make a grocery list and then go shopping
Start giving an allowance
Open a bank account
Visit a farm
Build a deck/porch
Collect rocks
Identify all the trees in your neighborhood
Read a newspaper
Make a quilt
Buy a few shares of stock
Visit the ocean
Visit a dam
Hold a scavenger hunt

Play Dough Recipe

2008-12-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

Here is the recipe we used for Play Dough. Next time, I might half the recipe, and add a color to the water, before mixing dry ingredients. We added food coloring to the premade dough and it had a marbled look.

1 1/2 cups corn starch
1/2 cup flour
2 cups hot water
2tsp cream of tarter
1 cup salt
1 Tbsp oil
food color

Mix all ingredients in sauce pan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until dough forms. Spoon onto waxed paper and knead. (We wrapped the waxed paper around dough at first because it was hot to touch)

Tax my cows for WHAT?

2008-12-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

Tax What????

Unbelieavable! I would have to sale at least 8 cows per year - just to pay this tax! Stay out of my farm EPA!

A Quote by --Bertrand Russell

2008-11-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

“The capacity to endure a more or less monotonous life is one which should be acquired in childhood. Modern parents are greatly to blame in this respect; they provide their children with far too many passive amusements, such as shows and good things to eat, and they do not realize the importance to a child of having one day like another, except, of course, for somewhat rare occasions. The pleasures of childhood should in the main be such as the child extracts himself from his environment by means of some effort and inventiveness…certain good things are not possible except where there is a certain degree of monotony. Take, say, Wordsworth’s ‘Prelude.’”

2008-11-30T17:25:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit this: Yesterday was one of those days were I dispise my husband for getting something accomplished! I'd much rather him get these kids out of my house so I could accomplish something! I was really nasty. Everything that everyone did in my house got on my nerves and I was so mean.

Today I was like a new woman! I woke up at 5 with David; he was in a hurry to get out early to make rounds all over Bell County taking hay to everyone. I usually sleep in when he leaves so early, but couldn't breath well so I got up for coffee. This is my secret people! I have to get up early. Those few moments before my crew wake up are Golden.

The rest of the day went so smoothly and I had such needed patience with everyone...even David looked good outside working!

Feeling a little domestic, I spent most of my time in the kitchen.
1) Froze chicken stock in ice cube trays and stored in plastic bags.
2) Cooked all of our sweet potatoes: As many that would fit in crockpot, peels on, then pureed and frozen. The rest were sliced and cooked, then frozen with syrup.

3) Made double batch of Banana Bread. Filled 8 small loaf pans, to be frozen and used for Christmas & 8 muffin cups for us to snack on.
4) Started a new compost project. Instead of a cage outside, I'm going to keep it in a rubbermaid box that I can put a lid on and store under our house. I'll let you know if it's working for me.

The "better" compost is saved for Jack's Stew.

Of course, I had a little help...

I am up to a big 140. This is too big for my small frame & I feel miserable...so it's off to the gym again - starting tomorrow.

Planning the Week

2008-11-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

I thrive on making plans. Notice I said "making plans," not always following through with them! We are moving our theme I posted last week to this week, because we barely got to touch it with all of the Thanksgiving Hoopla. Do you find yourself doing this too? I'm working really hard to fight the inadequate feeling that I get when we don't accomplish all of the plans. That's not what this life is about is it?

Instead, these plans need to serve as a guide for things we'd like to experience...not as a To Do List that hangs over us, unfinished until every item is marked off.

No... we didn't get to the list at all last week. On the other hand, we lived hard. Thursday started off busy with last minute cooking to take to West. The kids got up and helped me cut out pie dough with acorn cookie cutters for a pear pie. It was beautiful and Dee Dee loved it!!! We spent a wonderful day with the Dobecka's and all of the kids played in the backyard the entire time. That's what cousins need to do. I'm really falling in love with the women in this family (I should - I've been around for thirteen years!). We told them about Julia's issue and they were all so supportive.

The evening was spent napping at my mom's, while she slaved in the kitchen to feed us. How bad is that! I had taken some allergy/asthma RX due to candles earlier and was having such a hard time breathing; when the medicine kicked in, I crashed. My brother and his wife and kids where there and another family friend that I haven't seen in a while...he didn't know about my two littles. It was such a relaxing day all around.

This is what family time should be like. David & I are going to spend the rest of the weekend writing our goals and making plans for things we want to accomplish. This week would have been even better if we both weren't so exhausted...something to work on changing.

Thanksgiving Week & Homeschool

2008-11-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

We didn't get too much done today, but the day was wonderful. I finally pulled all of the Thanksgiving books out and we read one about Pilgrims and Indians. Then we worked on painted suncatchers that I had purchased last month from Hobby Lobby. The kids loved this and Lydia painted her hair onto her face. I've got to start dragging craft items out for them atleast a few times a week...they just brightened up. I hate to admit this guys, but I procrastinate because I'm stressed and worry about making another mess that I'll have to clean up. But this was a time for me to sit down with them and the mess was contained to the kitchen table and easy to clean up with a spray of Fantastic.

Here's the littles helping me make cornbread for tonights dinner; and a picture I took of Lydia eating Julia's Oreos. (J doesn't eat sweets and especially chocolate, but it's what she's craving so she keeps a stash of them in her room - me & L finished them off while she was with her dad last week - gotta keep them on the grocery list)

Oh & here's a self portrait of the T-man I found on my computer just now.

Finally, here's a copy of our first "Core List" ~ I'll update it this week with new things because he's mastered all of the math portion. I'm also thinking about making a core list for the Littles.

I'm a list freak.

On another note...we're Broke! It's been a while coming because I've been blowing $$ as fast as my husband can make it. We have a contracting business that experiences a slow season every year from December-April and I'm usually prepared for the worst. For those few months we live as frugally as possible, but when the jobs start coming in, our lifestyle goes right up with it! While I had funds put back for this season, two things hit hard. First off - bad move - I purchased 8 new cows with some of my reserve funds. We were expecting to close on a property that we own, but it keeps getting shuffled around. The other is that while the dry spell hits in late December, usually, this year it hit early October! Seems everyone that needed a new roof just sit on the funds - and I mean everyone. Can't say that I blame them.

Anyway, I have a truck full of gas to get us to Waco to see both sides of our family. I need to take goodies to share for both houses, but I'm going to have to make it inexpensive. Mom asked for snack food because we'll have dinner at her house and then play cards until it's time to come home; I'll probably take a dessert and vegetable to Lydia's. So...tomorrow will be spent looking at my stash and a recipe book or two that I have (as well as my Christmas/Thanksgiving recipe notes) and I might check out Crystal's blog too...she had some good blogs about a frugal Thanksgiving and I might use one of her veggie recipes.

I'll let you know how it turned out!

School & Seasonal Plans

2008-11-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

I don't do well to plan my school year out at once. As a veteran homeschooler, I've tried that in the past. Just like a packaged curriculum, my family got bored with our plans soon after we started them.

Now I depend on a list of items I want to teach for the year, based on "grade" and age. The rest of our school work is planned on monthly themes and ideas that I try to work into our days.

One of my favorite resources has been Dawn over at Sun and Candlelight (see my side bar), and I've taken notes; so many of the ideas I have come from her blog. She has a great habit of keeping a journal with ideas based on the season and I've started making one of my own. I love doing this! What I'm using right now is a spiral notebook with three sections ~ 4 notebooks. Each one contains three months. A few times a month I sit down and work on the notebook, cutting ideas out of magazines or other projects I've come across. I will post garden ideas for that month in Texas, recipes to try, party and craft ideas. Then when I'm planning the month ahead, this is my first resource.

This weekend I pulled my notebook out for November/December and listed all the things I'd like to try to do for the Christmas season. I always list too many things and try real hard not to beat myself up because we 'didn't get everything done'. From now on, this list will serve as a guide only.

Here are our plans for this week ~

Start Reading Family Under the Bridge, by Natalie Savage Carlson. I hope to read this in the evening on the nights we don't watch TV. We only have a few shows we like to catch and this will give us something to focus on and a reason to turn the tube off.

Pull out all of my fall & Thanksgiving Stories to read this week. We only have a few, so we'll be reading these in the afternoons. Let's try to throw a tea or cocoa time in there.

Keep working with the Gingerbread Theme; make cookies with Keebler Gingerbread Cookies. Gingerbread cut outs with brown paper, eyes, and buttons. We've been reading three versions of the Gingerbread Man. One is a Texas Theme and too cute. My favorite is the Gingerbread Baby by Jan Brett. Her site http://www.janbrett.com/ is getting me in too much trouble!

Christmas Carol: Silent Night. We will be playing lots of Christmas music, but I'd like Troy to learn the words to a few this year.

When does Blora open? Can we take Big Lydia?

Here's What Troy's "Core Work" Looks Like

2008-11-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

This is the list I mentioned yesterday. I have it printed using a Word Document and have each item followed by 5 boxes for us to check off as we are finished.

The items in italics are the ones that he has mastered and we are removing from the list this week to mke room for more challenges!

Core Work

Copy moms list of months...one per day. Capitalize, spell, memorize.
When learned, add abbreviations.

Practice time to half hour. Discuss AM/PM.

Count by 2,5,10 to 100.
Use tallies to count: play domino games.
Understand 1s, 10s, 100s place.
Discuss 1/2, 1/3, 1/4.
Cent/Dollar signs; decimals in money.
Names of coins and amount. Make card with amounts and have count change.
Daily math drill. Work on +/-; borrowing & carrying.
Simple word problems: 2-4 daily.

Reading
100 Lessons or other phonics program
Easy Reader
Spell words from reading.

Copywork
Write sentences.
Name, date at top of page.
Check for capitalization, punctuation.
Identify nouns in writing.

Core Work?

2008-11-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

After posting about burnout - I realize I feel burnout in most areas of my life. Especially homeschooling. I made an awesome "basic" list of things to do with my 9 year old. While the list is a full page, it's real quick to work through. We call it the Core List.

Getting on track this week, we've done something that covers a lot of material in a short time. Here is an example: (Also, he is having a hard time with reading)

1) T reads from a phonic source. We have a series of booklets that we're using, but we might switch to 100 Lessons or McGuffey readers at any time. He reads one book, or one lesson. (Phonics/Reading)
2) I dictate words (up to 10) from the story for him to spell. If he gets any wrong, we correct it there and he rewrites these for his dad in the evening. I'll include them again tomorrow. (Spelling)
3) We find a passage to copy. This week however, I am having him copy Eccl. 3. This is a perfect time for him to focus on his writing skills and notice grammar. (Writing/Grammar)
4) I pick out one sentence for him to copy in addition to copy work. Then he labels all of the nouns with a n. We will start adding more parts of speech as we go. (Grammar)
5) At the beginning of the week, I take several pages from math workbooks that we have and create a Math Package. Then we work through them, with me watching on with most pages. If he gets something wrong or doesn't understand, we fix it then. He will go on to do certain drill items alone while I work nearby. A good thing about this is that we might do an entire page on fractions, but not a full page of addition problems. If he understands something, I'll have him do 3-4 problems a day just for reinforcement. In this case, I'll circle the problems to be covered for the day. I'm not about giving him a full page just for busy work. (Math)

All of this is very fast paced and takes us about 30 minutes (45 at the most). As I'm adding more items, I want to add them at 5-10 minute increases at a time, so as not to overwhelm him.

In the afternoon, we pick a book to read that pertains to History or Science. This week we read a book about the Star-Spangle Banner. I pointed out to him how it was written after we had the American Revolution and was actually in the War of 1812...when Britain decided to try again. We added this to our time-line notebook and listened the song on a kids patriotic CD I had.

This is it right now. We are heading into the Holidays and I'm just coming out of my lunacy, so that's enough. I'll share with you how we add to it each week.

Things

2008-11-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

About a month ago - I was sitting at my friend's table. Carla asked me if things were going any better at my place. I told her I didn't think one more bad thing could come in and shock me. You might walk in right now and tell me that my best friend died and I'd reply ~ oh that's too bad.

And then the stick turned blue.

I'm not sure if posting this is the best idea and if it gives me the creeps, I'll pull it. But I've read so many inspiring posts this week about babies that I want to share my story - in some form.

No, I'm not pregnant.

My daughter is.

This baby was not conceived under the most pleasant of circumstances. Just when I felt she was dealing with the issue, a positive pregnancy test turned everything upside down.

She is doing unbelievable well and handling everything with great strength. I on the other hand have fallen of my rocker! She finally informed me that if I was going to keep falling apart, I had to go do it in my own closet. So, as I've mentioned - this week has been good. I haven't cried. I'm numb - and trying to move forward.

It has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Everyone that hears the news responds the same. It is a shock. It hurts. It brings fear to your life you didn't know you had. And then it calms down. You breath and put one foot in front of the other.

She is dealing with anger and has gone from naming the baby to being determined to find an adoptive family to raise it. I've gone from - oh hell no - to I'm going to get a lawyer and keep her from doing it (which my midwife chewed on me for - I don't have that right) - to hoping she'll change her mind and want it and we'll help her - to begging her to let me keep it - to finally agreeing that if she does go through adoption, that she'll consider an open adoption and I can see the baby....privately praying that she changes her mind when she sees the ultrasound.

Guys I've seen a lot of pain around me, but I've been protected. I've had no tragedy in my life, and very little heart ache. Oh Praise God in His Heaven - she is healthy and can do this. It could be so much worse. This is the first time I feel I've been given a cross to bear. She and I will both be stronger because of it in the end. I'm praying to God to just let me keep my daughter and the relationship we've built.

Oh yeah - I'll be a 35 year old grandmother!

Burnout?

2008-11-18T05:29:00.000-08:00

I've been spiraling down, down, down, since May 1st. For someone who has battled the blues in the past, I have fought this spell hard. Are you happy? Do you feel good? Maybe you remember a time in your past when you weren't so up, and you have recovered and found happiness ~ now you tell yourself you never want to go back to that depressed self? That's been me all through this summer and early fall. I thank God that I've had such a great life lately and know how to be happy, so that I could keep reminding myself that what was going on would pass.

The past week has been a blessing to me. I think the funk is over! Out of nowhere, I have an all day energy that peeks in the evening - I'm loving the time change. I've had more patience with my children; and when my husband comes home I melt. If there was a little pill that I could take everyday that would make me feel this way - I'd be taking it!

I'm not sure what has changed. I've been praying more. I don't think I've gotten enough sleep over the last few months since the LAST time change, so this is a welcome to me ~ David can't work when it's dark, so he's in earlier; he calms me. (most of the time) I'm taking my vitamins. This week, I really feel it's lunar???? And am marking my calendar up to follow the moon and my cycle to see if I can catch the low times and deal with them, while taking advantage of these highs. We'll see.

One thing I feel, and I may take a beating for this: I think people are addicted to...being sad, depressed; having chaos in their lives; and some times they create their own problems because of this 'need.' The past week, I've felt that people can also be addicted to being happy and content. I want to learn to create that feeling more than doing something that brings me down.

I want to write about the main thing that is going on in my family ~ it has hurt me like I've never been hurt before. But I have to see Patty today. We haven't seen each other in three years! And before I post something so personal, I have to run it by my girl first. I'd hate for her to stumble onto my blog and read the news before I told her myself. She is my constant.

I will share it here today - for Mary & Christi - and for others that I share blog time with. I read so many inspiring posts and am encouraged in all of the areas of my life through "friends" on the web. Now I'm on the up & up! I have felt it all week and want to keep it that way. So I'm off to pray...

on a Mickey Mouse blanket that was my daughters seventeen years ago.

Cleaned out the Pantry Today

2008-11-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

Look at those blue eyes! This is Lydia helping me unload beef on our last trip.

Today I made it out to the pantry to unload some trash. I don't know what it is about this little building, but it clutters up so fast! My main mission was to make an inventory of what I had in the freezer; and to consolidate everything into one freezer instead of two. We really don't need the large freezer unless we're in the middle of processing beef for sale, and I want to unplug it for a few months. The job is behind me and now I need to go back to wash things up a bit and do some deep cleaning. Found lots of cuts to feed the pets. I collect the entrails from our cows if customers don't want them...so I have parts from our last three bulls. Three tongues - yum!

Tonight I looked up homemade dog food and found some great ideas. Has anyone seen the blog www.crockpot365.blogspot.com? She uses her crockpot daily and I've been interested in the playdough and desserts. But I haven't noticed pet food! I did find a sight that has crockpot ideas that I'll try for Jack. I learned that dogs need about 40% meat, 30% veggies, 30% starch; and that a dog Jack's size needs 3-4 cups of food a day.

I'll keep you posted on what we try for him this week.

Are we in a Depression?

2008-11-08T11:35:00.000-08:00

Great post found here: FREE 2 BE FRUGAL: Taking a Page from Great Depression-ers

Do you think we are in a Depression? I don't. I do think that we've gotten spoiled to wanting, wasting, spending, going, having, and it's finally catching up with us. Too many people are living in a two income lifestyle, charged to the max, living pay check to pay check.

David & I are fully aware of the feeling you get when you want or "need" something and realize the payments financed for it will only be "X" per month. We can afford that - we've found ourselves saying too many times. I hate to admit it, but I've had a car payment since I was 17!

So many are like us. When the economy changes, we can't seem to make the necesarry changes in our own spending. What do you see people doing? Crying! Because we can't afford the lifestyle that we were wasting our money on in the first place.

I think this country of ours is still great. The main CHANGE that we need to see is people taking responsibility for their actions and taking care of theirselves and their families. Not more programs and more handouts.

Tax Weekend

2008-11-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

I feel I need some accountability about the projects of this weekend. My mom has taken the baby home for some one-on-one time with Grandparents, so I need to take advantage of the time I have to myself!!!!

I've sent the boys out to work on the new barn with Daddy. They will probably come in anytime now for a lunch of sandwiches and finish off a little icecream. Then BACK OUT!

Tonight, we will go out to eat and run to Wal-greens for a new coffee maker, using the sale they have teamed with a rebate; ours is just not keeping coffee hot.

I will be spending the day handling all the tax issues surrounding our trailer park/duplex project. TODAY I WILL FINISH! I worry myself with every single penny, scared that the IRS will come to get me if something just doesn't look right or I miss a dime in income. Today I promised myself to record everything to the best of my ability and prepare to send them the report...if they have a question, they will contact me. Right?

Tomorrow, I will spend the day setting up a new tax system for our farm. We've had a lot of babies born this year, plus made a lot of new purchases. Mommas are taxed differently than beef steers. Up until now, I have not recored this in an easy to understand format; so I would like to have a notebook (of course) showing each cow in our herd, their history, and their tax deductions. Fun Fun.

Also, sometime during this mess, I want to clean out my freezers and pull aside the cuts to use as pet food, preparing one freezer to turn off for the season, until we have another bull to process. One last thing: I'd love to plan the rest of this school season (through December) or at least plan next weeks projects...so I'll have that list out in front of me as well.

Have a great weekend!

Prayer

2008-10-29T19:04:00.000-07:00

My daughter has been planning on joining the Marines for several years now. After finally deciding to support her on the issue, I can promise that I was starting to make myself sick worrying about her leaving when she turns 18. How would I deal with her being away, especially at war? I always pictured myself starting and ending my day with my face on the floor, begging God for protection of my baby.

We've had a rough week these past seven days. There is no Marine in sight. I went to bed last night realizing that I had not talked with God once in my state of delusion. So this morning, I woke to a clip board and paper. Before my eyes could even focus for the morning, I feeled a page of random thoughts...Julia Cameron style. I read Proverbs 29, because today is the 29th; and Matt 6 ...I'm not sure why. It is a great chapter on praying and fasting and BEING QUITE. Then I hit the floor, with my face in my hands on the cold wood, and begged. For guidance. For patience. For peace. For wisdom. For protection. For angels of grace to protect my daughter and myself. I prayed for God to help me keep my mouth shut and wait and watch.

Today was different. I cried until noon, off and on. But after that, the day was brighter and calmer. My daughter and I had a good talk after she came in from school. I asked her for forgivness, and I gave her mine.

This is where we are going - forward.

I'm praying to be more like my Aunt Beverly - quite.

For my daughter

2008-10-26T16:10:00.000-07:00

"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would give my life for you
This is the miracle of life."
~ Maureen Hawkins

The Best of Times?

2008-10-24T21:00:00.001-07:00

I texted my daughter yesterday...These are the best of times - These are the worst of times.

While I've heard this before, I couldn't recall from where; but it seemed to apply to our spirit.

Tonight I googled and found it! A quote from Dickens:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." -
-- Charles Dickens

Every single word means something to us this week.

Cleaning up this mess!

2008-10-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

I'm slightly aggravated with myself. How can someone have a "house blessing" on Friday and have the house looked somewhat put together, to follow with a Saturday of destruction? Troy and I cleaned the house yesterday and had things looking so nice. I had plans for this closet, but not to this extent. You see, I procrastinate on the next breath I might take. So of course, I was planning on taking the master closet in bites - maybe do the floor one week, then the top shelf, followed by the clothes that are hanging. Not bite of more than I can chew, or take out more than I could put back together in 15 minutes. Yes, 15 minutes is my magic number.

My plans however changed today when David had to get to the water heater. It is located in a closet that is behind all of his clothes and on top of that, you have to remove the top shelf of the closet to get to it! He fixed the problem with the heater, then we left to visit Lydia in West all day. Tonight, when I got home, I had every intention of putting the clothes back in place and leaving enough room for him to put in a new door that doesn't require taking the whole closet apart.

But then...I realized what was hiding on the floor. Under all this junk, I've had unexpected guests. I started pulling all kinds of junk out of the floor and moving them to my room and was disgusted. I'd hate to think what would happen to my poor Aunt Judy if she had to spend the night in my house and saw this mess. NASTY!

So I know what I'll be doing Sunday. This mess is going to get put in shape all at once - even if it takes me all day. Hope to have some good pictures for you when I'm finished.

Homestead Heritage Cheese Class

2008-10-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

I have had the blessing of spending two days in this adorable cabin at Homestead Heritage, near Waco, taking a cheese making class. The two women that taught the class were very charming and entertaining and had a wealth of information to share with us.

Yesterday, we learned to make butter, yogurt, and various soft cheeses. Today was spent learning about hard cheeses and taking a working tour of their small factory.

Let me admit to you, I didn't want to go. I had signed up several months ago, when we had a little money to play with. Things are getting a little tight around our house as we prepare for David's slow months. I'm busy and stressed out with some business transactions we have going on. My mom came last week and stayed with me to get my house in order - again. Things just seem to be crazy for me and I can't get a grip on what I want to do. So...let's go take a two day class and learn how to make cheese!!!!

Yes, it's just like Julia getting frustrated at me for tearing the kitchen up with my baking.

But I saw an insightful friend, my message therapist, last week and told her I was dreading the class. What did she tell me? "EMBRACE IT"

And I did.

I was able to spend the day with some wonderful people that share in my interests. Yesterday, I realized that I was working on a kitchen project with no Little's underneath; it was a nice break. Today, as I dipped cheese into red wax, I felt that I was a part of an art lesson. An age old lesson in making food for my family. It was a true blessing.

I'm very thankful for my mother for watching the kids for me to have this time and for my husband for letting me get away for a few days and paying for the class.

I signed up for a Milk Cow class in November. Instead of dreading it - I can't wait!

Cool Nutrition Site

2008-10-07T08:16:00.001-07:00

www.greensmoothiegirl.com

Hung up on this man

2008-10-03T05:31:00.000-07:00

Medical Expenses

2008-09-29T13:49:00.001-07:00

OMG! This post ties in to the other from today about saving money in October. I just called the doctors office to see how much David's procedure will cost and they quoted me $1450. OUCH! They then transferred me to someone at the hospital and I asked her to quote me the price for a self-paying patient. $812.

That's over $638 lower. A savings of 44%.

At first I was thrilled! Then sickened. How does this play into the government provided entitlement of health care? No thanks. I'll continue to pay cash. (By the way, I have great insurance with BCBS...but we have a deductible of $5K)

Now I'm going to call the kids eye doctor and see if they'll give me a discount for paying cash as well.

More handmade Holiday ideas from Rhonda

2008-09-28T16:55:00.001-07:00

http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/2008/09/ideas-for-hand-made-holidays.html

Vacationing with Ike

2008-09-27T05:59:00.001-07:00

Today is our last full day at the beach. Troy & David are going out to the south jetty to fish until they're roasted. That part of the beach has been a mess...when we first got here, things looked good except for the high tide. But about a week into the trip, the reminders of Ike and lots of left overs from Galveston washed up on the beach. It was wild to see and very sad. Roofs, a/c units still attached to their duct work, porches, siding, furniture, TV's. At one part of the beach, down by the jetty, where there is a small "corner" of beach with no where else to go...there was at least trash at least as tall as I am for several hundred yards.

The crew they had out on the second day was amazing. From dawn to dusk they worked with bulldozers, lifts, and dump trucks, moving the junk out and packing sand back into the beach. At the end of just two days, the beach looks great! They need one more full day of work, and then maintenance of the other stuff that is still washing up daily.

We felt guilty about coming down, two days after Ike hit. While the trip has been paid for since May, with the sale of two of our crazy Brahamas, it's hard to go to a beach vacation when your neighbors 100 miles to the north are without a home. My contacts in Port A told us to come on down that they had not even received any rain from the storm - just a high tide. We've noticed lots of business here and lodging being more crowded than normal for September, due to evacuees from the Galveston area. When we got here, the marina and boat slips were EMPTY...everyone had traveled with their boats out of harms way. They are full again and storing many other boats that made it out of the storm.

It has been very encouraging to see a system that works and a people that get together to get a job done.

Vacation

2008-09-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

We're in to day four of our annual beach trip. David just got here last night. Up until today, Troy has been bored with me. I haven't been able to give him much attention for chasing the littles all over creation! I will say that the drive down here was so much better than last year, when Lydia was just 1. We only made two stops, they ate, slept, and looked out the window a lot. Stephen notified me of every train track we crossed.

Troy's fun started today. He and David went fishing on the north side of the ferry. After several hours of no luck, David said T was getting frustrated. To finish the day, David took him out in a bay that they waided into waist high. T caught two great sized Drummer. He told David it was the best day of his life.

2008-09-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

Rhonda has some great posts about making Christmas Gifts.... I'm very interested in the Teepee and Napkins.

http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/2008/09/homemade-christmas.html

I also love the idea of Craft of the Month and working on Christmas gifts all year....anything with a monthly theme catches my eye.

Blog to check out soon

2008-09-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/05/homemade-cream-of-mushroom-soup.html

look for that brownie-in-a-mug!!!! My friend Carla sent this sight to me; can't wait to check out.

Crazy Woman in the Kitchen

2008-08-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

I have a confession. When I'm stressed - I cook. Julia gets so aggrivated with me - because when I have the least amount of time, or when the house is trashed, I'm in the kitchen making a bigger mess. When I went into labor with Troy, I got up at 4am and made a pecan pie, banana bread, and a big batch of cookies. When I was finally finished, I had less than four hours of labor to deal with. (All of my children came in about four hours of hard work.)

This week has been no diferent with my kitchen insanity. After waiting out a surgery with my cousin, a funeral of an old friend, and the death of my next door neighbor, I delt with my feelings at the stove. I started off by cleaning the fridge and found okra and tomatoes from the garden that needed to be delt with. Using the large okra for dinner, the smaller pods made one jar of pickled okra. There was enough cherry tomatoes to peel and can for three pints. Also, I had prickly pear juice in freezer (pods that I confiscated from the neighbors ditch) and two bags of frozen raspberries that I made into jelly in jam.

I think I'll be addicted to the jam! It was so easy to make. Because I used 1/2 pint jars, I don't think a water bath canner is necessary - a regular large pot that would allow water to cover the jars would be enough.

Here are the Recipes:

Raspberry Jam

4 cups raspberries (I used two 12oz frozen bags)
4 cups sugar

Cook raspberries one minute, mashing the fruit with a potato masher. (I used one of the beaters from my hand mixer) Add sugar all at once; bring to a boil, and boil 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Pour into clean jars, add warm lids and bands. Add to water bath for 5 minutes to seal.

Prickly Pear Jelly

Use gloves, tongs, and kitchen scissors to remove fruit from plant. Cut slits in fruit with scissors and boil in water to cover for twenty minutes. Strain through cheese cloth and store juice in Mason jars - frozen until ready to use.

For 2 1/2 cups juice, add on packet of pectin, boil a few minutes. Add 3 1/2 cups sugar and boil five minutes. Ladel into jars and process in water bath for 5 minutes to seal.

Lydia and I used these with homemade biscuits this morning and they were great! If my jars had not sealed, I would pop them in the freezer and use when needed. I'm sure they would store in fridge well after being opened.

Popcorn Parties

2008-08-22T20:06:00.001-07:00

http://frugalhacks.com/2008/08/22/the-intangibles/

I love this post! It brings to mind where we might be headed.

Herbal Notes

2008-08-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

PMS (try for at least 3 cycles)
Vitex and black cohosh - two 500 mg daily.
PMS Tincture: small bottle, mix: 1 oz vitex, dong quai, black cohosh, ginger. Take 1/2 t three times daily in small amount warm water. Not while on period.
Nettle tea (I have natural nettle to harvest) Quart of boiling water over 4 T dried nettles (Plus mint for flavor) Steep 20 minutes strain. 2 cups daily.
Eat dark leafy greens, root vegs, high protein, seasonal ruit. Limit sweets, cafeine. 1500 mg evening primrose.

Fatigue
Dong Quai, schizandra, asian ginseng: 500 mg twice daily (No dong quai during period) These help stress.
Bath: 15 drops lavender, chamomile oil twie weekly.
Walk & yoga.

Pain
Ginger had anti-inflammatory compounds, works with arthritis. 2K-4K mg daily in supplement. Drink ginger tea and eat fresh.
Curcumin: turmeric, anti-inflammatory Ayurvedic Rx. 3 times daily 400-600 mg empty stomach.
Bromelain: pinapple enzyme. 500mg capsul daily on empty stomach. Try product containing multiple enzymes: papain, chymotrypsin.

Vegetable Gardens in Texas

2008-08-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

The following is from notes I've taken from http://www.naturalgardeneraustin.com/. They have a great Monthly To Do List that I refer to each month as I'm making plans. (Please forgive typing - I'm missing 7 keys!) Also...I'll save a note on right hand of blog as "Garden Notes"

What I'm including here is veggies to plant:

August
Seeds: Beans, corn, cumber, garlic, potatoes, shallot, sumer squash. Early August: Okra, black-eyed peas, New Zealand & Malabar spinach, winter squash.
Plant these seeds in pots/flats and keep "cool". Give bright sun, but shade during afternoon: broccoli, B sprouts, caulilower, chard, cabbage, fennel, kale.
Plants: Okra, New Zealand spinach, squash.
Herb Plants: Mexican mint marigold, mintes, oregano, rosemary, sage, wormwood

September
Seeds: Asian greens, beets, cabbage, carrots, chard, collard, garlic, kale, lettuce, mustard, peas, radicchio, radish, shallot. Early: cabbage, endive Late: Spinach
Plants: Broccoli, B sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, chard, colalrds, endive, kale, lettuce, mustard
Herbs: Plants: all perennial, plus cilantro, dill, fennel, parsley. Seeds: Borage, caraway, chamomile, chervil, chives, cilantro, dill, fennel, parsley, summer savory.
Plant wildflower seeds. Bluebonnets!
Winter cover crops.

October
Seeds: Beets, carrot, mustard, onion seed, garden pea, radish, spinach turnip. Early: cabbage, collards, garlic, lettuce.
Plants: cabbage, collards and other greens, lettuce, spinach, turnip broccoli, lettuce, spinach can be planted troughout fall, if they are given frost protection.
Herb Plants: same as September.
PLANT STRAWBERRIES
More wildflower seeds.

November
Seeds: Early: mustard, radish, spinach.
Plants: lettuce, greens, peas, spinach.
Herb Plants: Cilantro, dill, fennel, parsley, perennial chives and Oregano.
Plant Strawberries
Last chance for sunflower seeds
Plant bulbs.

December
Prepare to protect from freezes. Use sheets (Salvation Army!). Mulch!!!!! Water well before a freeze.
Vegetable Plants: arugula, cabbage, chard, greens, lettuce, spinach
Spinach is a great companion to Strawberries
Study fruit guide to learn about pruning specific trees.
Spray apple, pear, peach and plum trees. See Natural Gardner for more info.
Choose and prepare areas for planting fruit trees in January. Full sun for two trees! Theyt need a partner.
Clean and oil all tools and equipment

I'll add more months soon.

School Plans

2008-08-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Oh how I wish I could set down once a year and plan out my entire homeschool year, and then work from that plan. But experience has proven that this method simply will not work for our family. First of all, we get bored with one item and have the quits before we've hit the half-year mark. Then, there's the new information that we receive as homeschoolers that entices us to try to encorporate new things into our schedule. Before I know it, I have a packed schedule, too many books and projects lying around, and days going by without schooling of any kind as I try to sort through the mess and get my home back in order.

Blogging has helped me more than anything, as I share with others what I have planned for the kids. I can go back through my posts so much easier than looking for notes around the house. In doing so, I have found a method that I am following without realising it. I plan in spurts. "This is what we're doing now." Does anyone else do this?

Lydia's New Do

2008-08-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

Miss Priss let me put her hair up today & paint her toes!

Thoughts on kids

2008-07-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't been myself lately - not since beginning of May actually. Finally, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Life has been way to busy for us this summer and I'm ready to go into hiding. David & I are planning a trip to see an old friend he hasn't seen in fourteen years! We'll go in August...then our family vacation to the beach is coming in September. Lot's of off time to dream and wish for the future. Then I'm home again to practice being a Hobit.

Books are scattered all over the house as I plan for the upcoming homeschool year. I have a senior!!!!! Let me tell you - it really changes the way you plan for the youngers when you have one ready to leave the nest. I'm not going to bog my kids down with stuff that they hate and we all find as a waste of time. I'm going to learn how to play and enjoy them being in the middle of my day, my house, my life, my heart.

Looking back over Jewel's homeschool...I feel like such a failure. Sure she's ready to face life. She's opened a check account and purchased her first car. She's booked a flight to Florida and experienced being mugged at the airport. She's lost a best friend and we've cried missing him. She went to the local college with my credit card in hand and signed up for her first semester. She's carrying a 4.0 gpa. She has her first job, after many offers. I guess I've done something right - it is all still about me right?

But what did I do wrong? Oh my God - I've wasted so much time being crazy. We didn't get to play babies or dress up. I didn't fix her hair with bows and curls. I didn't dress her in pretty little dresses. We didnt' have tea parties.

It's almost over, and I've missed the whole damn thing. She's on her way out and I can't stand to think of where she's going. The sick feeling I feel in my gut evertime she leaves in her toy car is just perparing me for the day she leaves for good. Getting me ready for the days on end I wait for her to call and wonder where she is and pray that God's angels protect her.

On one hand, as a parent...I'm worried. On the other, I'm so proud I could burst.

With three more at home, let this be a lesson. School plans will be for experience. For life. For feelings. To enjoy, not to bog down and to make mom feel inadequate and "behind"...We're going to turn the music up and laugh and dance. Drag toys out and play. Get dirty! Put our faces in our hands, with our heads on the floor and pray like crazy. Then get up and dance some more.

Small Living Spaces

2008-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about a friends house I used to visit when I was a teenager. It was her dad's and step-moms, and they had three children, plus my friend & her sister on the weekends. Her dad was a high ranking police officer, and I'm sure he made good $$, but he had child support to pay, plus was supporting a large family at home. Looking back, I love how they had their living arangements. I'd like to get with that mom and see if she has fond memories or if she hated it.

I'm blessed, I guess you'd say, with 2150 square feet and 4 bedrooms. But...I dream of smaller spaces with neet areas that you make work for your family. Sometimes a house this size can be overwhelming to keep up, especially with littles.

My friends parents lived in a two bedroom apartment. The kids shared one of the bedrooms and the other bedroom was kept as a play room! When my friend stayed, she used a hide-a-bed in the couch. Where did the parents sleep? In the dining room! They had their bed in the DR, with a lace curtain as a door. You had to walk past their bed to get to the little kitchen. It always had a cottage feel though.

Can you picture yourself living this way? I can. It was probably a lot more afforadable than a house with a bedroom for each child, taxes, and insurance. Not to mention utlities and furnishing a large house and the outside upkeep.

The best part was my friends step-mom. She kept the house as clean as you can with littles. She was very pretty and always had per make-up on and her long brown hair curled. And she was always in the kitchen feeding us! I'll never forget her Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese icing.

My family may make a move to a smaller house at sometime, and I hope I remember Shirley blessing her home, reminding me to do as well.

I'm off to read comments along the same line at http://likemerchantships.blogspot.com/2008/07/vacationing-with-tv.html

Example of Beef Cuts

2008-07-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

The kids & I just got back from the processor in Westphalia with the first beef of the year! This guy was a little on the small side - I've been spoiled to 570-600 pounders, and he weighed in at 466. (This is hanging weight)

This list is to give you an example of what is available on a bull this size.

Round Steaks 20 pkgs 5 per quarter
Chili 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Rib Steaks 8 pkgs 2 per quarter
Sirloin 12 pkgs 4 per quarter
Pikes Roast 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Rump Roast 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Arm Roast 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Chuck Roast 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
8 Soup Bone pkgs 2 per quarter
Seven Steak 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Short Ribs 8 pkgs 2 per quarter
Brisket 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
Stew Meat 4 pkgs 1 per quarter
New York Strip 12 pkgs 3 per quarter
T Bone 12 pkgs 3 per quarter
Hamburger 40 pkgs 10 per quarter
All inside Goodies!

My price for 2008 is $3.00 per pound. On this bull, the total cost would be 466 pounds times $3.00 a pound = $1398 One quarter = $350.00

Redneck?

2008-06-16T04:46:00.000-07:00

I am total trailer trash now! David had left over E-foil from a roofing job. It's like thick, silver, bubble paper. I saw opportunity!!!!!!! All of my evening sun catching windows are now covered and making my house a little cooler. Won't be inviting anybody out to see the place this summer.

Little Steve loved helping me and carried the sheets to all the windows. My little redneck in the making.

I'm heading out to the garden to try to beet the sun and to also let the new calves into the new area that David fenced off for them. Will try to get new pictures up today.

Crafts in a jar

2008-06-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=376&f=2936

I'm off to scrounge craft supplies and make this jar for Troy. I admit I hide most supplies until I feel like dragging out - not often enough. This will give him lots of ideas and freedom to do what he wants to do with the goodies.